Modern dating can be a confusing ride, and it’s even more confusing when sexual exclusivity is an issue. Here’s everything you need to know about it. By Danielle Anne Suleik

With all the relationship hang-ups being thrown left and right, it’s not surprising that everyone’s developing new and crazy agreements within their relationships. You’ve heard of relationship exclusivity, but do you know about sexual exclusivity? Well, you can find out about the ins and outs of this new concept between lovers and friends now.

A majority of people between the ages 20 and 45 engage in premarital sex. Most expect a relationship out of it, but a growing percentage is perfectly fine without the commitment. Because of this new perception, the rules of relationships – committed or otherwise – have developed certain subsets that not even the most knowledgeable relationship expert can decipher.

What types of relationships are affected by sexual exclusivity?

In order to understand the newfangled relationships these days, let’s explore the various relationships that have cropped up since the freedom of sexual expression became prevalent in the past fifty years.

#1 Friends with benefits. This is easily the most popular and preferred relationship by people who don’t want to engage in a committed relationship. Two people – friends, strangers, co-workers, classmates, etc. – agree to have sex on a regular basis or if and when the mood strikes. [Read: 25 rules of being friends with benefits]

#2 The extramarital affair. This type of relationship may involve feelings from both participants, but generally it’s just about acquiring sex from another person, even if you’re married or otherwise committed.

#3 The threesome. When three people get together and engage in sexual intercourse, no matter what their genders are, they can agree to continue said relationship, but won’t consider it as more than an extremely adventurous sexual activity. [Read: 20 things you need to know about threesomes]

#4 The backup plan. The people in this type of relationship will continue to see other people, but they will continue to engage in an affair when they are both single. It’s almost the same as friends with benefits, but the difference is that backup plans don’t plan on having sex with other people while they’re single.

#5 The one night stand. This is probably the saddest of the bunch because one person usually wants to continue seeing the other. The problem is that one night stands are exactly what they sound like – a physically exasperating fling that occurs for one night, and one night only. [Read: 16 signs to know if it will just be a one night stand]

#6 The online hookup. This is when people use online dating apps or social media accounts to find someone to hook up with. It can end in either a “one night stand” or a “friends with benefits” arrangement. [Read: 14 important dos and don’ts of online hookups]

#7 The friendly daters. These are two people who know that they’ll never become friends, have had sex at least once, but still see each other on a regular basis. They will flirt with each other and go on dates and never follow through with anything more than that. They will continue to see each other as long as it’s convenient for them.

#8 The exes. These people think that agreeing to have sex at random is a given. They have history, they know each other very well, and they don’t harbor any feelings for each other anymore. It’s all well and good, but it does increase the risk of triggering any dormant feelings they have for each other. [Read: The truth about sex with an ex]

Who else knows what kind of kooky relationships exist out there? These, however, are the ones that you frequently see in the dating community. Almost all of these don’t put any pressure on the people involved, but a new concept is on the rise: sexual exclusivity.

What is sexual exclusivity?

If one or both people who engage in any of the relationships mentioned above ask that they not sleep with other people while they’re seeing each other, they’re asking for sexual exclusivity. It’s different from the generic exclusivity agreement wherein two people agree to date each other exclusively, which includes sex and the other benefits of having a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Regular exclusivity requires a lot more responsibility and emotional investment. Sexual exclusivity only requires both people to keep it in their pants when neither is around. It means that they can’t engage in any intimate activity with anyone else and this includes the other people that they are seeing.

Why do people want sexual exclusivity?

It sounds very complicated when you look at it from an outsider’s perspective, but sexual exclusivity has some benefits that can actually improve a sexual relationship. It’s generally requested for health reasons, but it can also be because it’s better not to involve other people in your complicated set-up.

This lessens the risk of involving other people’s feelings. When you sleep with multiple people, it’s hard to keep some feelings from eventually arising. If you sleep with just one person, no one can get jealous or competitive. Everything will run as smoothly as possible.

Sexual exclusivity also allows you to enjoy sex without worrying about sexually transmitted diseases. When you have multiple partners, you’re risking your health and theirs as well. STD’s are preventable, but there isn’t a 100% guarantee that you can avoid it. Even if you use condoms, you can still contract skin lesions or even contagious diseases like the flu and many others.

How do you ask for sexual exclusivity?

If you’re interested in asking this from your lover, you need to understand that it’s not for everyone. It’s a strange request, especially if you take into account the fact that you are still allowed to see other people.

#1 You need to establish rules about it. This means that you have to discuss awkward topics like emotions, timelines and the other people that you’re seeing. The benefits are all well and good, but sometimes that isn’t enough to entice a person to commit sexually to another person.

If you started out in a non-committal sexual relationship, you can expect that the person you’re seeing won’t be too quick to agree with what you’re asking. They agreed to have an affair with you, because it gave them the freedom to keep doing it with other people without the need to be exclusive. [Read: 10 casual relationship rules to keep it casual]

#2 Asking them to be sexually exclusive is like asking them to go out with you. They might misunderstand your motives and think that you want to take your relationship to the next level. So before you ask your partner to be sexually exclusive, make sure that you are ready to explain the specifics of this new arrangement.

#3 Don’t forget to consider how they feel about it. Don’t push them if they don’t want to do it. If you really want to sleep with just one person, you’ll have to find someone who’s willing to go along with your plan. If you tell them how strongly you feel about it, they might change their mind and consider the benefits as well.

Just remember that being sexually exclusive can also make you open to a deeper connection with the person you’re seeing. Once you’ve agreed to stop sleeping with other people, you are increasing the risk of falling for the only person that you’re intimate with. If it’s a risk you’re willing to take, go for it. Just be sure that you are mentally and internally ready to ask this from your partner.

[Read: 15 rules of having an open relationship]

Sexual exclusivity sounds like a good way to keep your sex life safe and healthy. It lessens the chances of hurting other people and you also don’t have to go through the usual hoops when seeing someone new just for sex. It’s the equivalent of having your cake and eating it by yourself!

Open relationships aren’t for everybody. But for the few who swear by it, here are some important questions they pondered on before giving it a shot. By Lianne Choo

A couple of years ago, my best friend came to me with a dilemma. She said that her boyfriend of two years sat her down and asked for a breakup. After hours of sobbing and arguing, they somehow came to the agreement that an open relationship was a better route to take.

“An open what?” I asked. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this concept, an open relationship means that both parties are okay with their significant other having sexual relations with other people.

Naturally, I was rather taken aback. I had never been in that situation before and it was the first time anyone close to me had either. Of course, I was familiar with the whole idea of an open relationship and had nothing against it. It was just put into a harsh perspective when someone so close to me voted to be in one.

To be honest, I tried to talk her out of it on multiple occasions. She stuck to her guns and two years on is as happy as a clam. According to her, being in an open relationship gives her and her partner the chance to explore sexual possibilities outside of what they had. The freedom to come and go as they pleased, the ability to flirt without the guilt, the thrill of sexual exploration with others and best of all, someone to go home to every night. [Read: What’s the real definition of an open relationship?]

Although it took me a little while to wrap my mind around it, I saw just how happy she was and decided that maybe the whole idea of being in an open relationship is not such a bad thing after all. I was just a conventional prude who needed to open my mind a little more. So I embarked on a mission and spoke to several other couples in the same boat.

Important questions to ask before getting into an open relationship

Based on their experiences, everyone eagerly shared tips and tricks with me. From what they shared, here are the top 11 things to ponder before getting into an open relationship.

#1 Why are we doing this? Before even talking about being in an open relationship, find out why this is even coming up. Is it because you are bored? Is it because you want to spice things up? Is it because you have been with your spouse for longer than you can remember and want to try something new? No matter your reasons for it, think long and hard before even deciding to talk about it. [Read: 50 kinky sex ideas to keep your sex life interesting]

#2 Should we start with a trial period? One of the first things you need to ask before getting into an open relationship is whether you can start off with a trial period. Just like taking a car out for a test drive before putting money down for it, you need to try it out before completely agreeing to it. The last thing you want is to be stuck in an unhappy situation. Give it a go for a couple of months before sitting down with your partner and discussing whether you want to continue with the open relationship for the long haul.

#3 How much should we share? Before you settle into being in an open relationship, discuss with your partner how much you should share with one another. Should you tell each other every time you head out with other people? Do you need to share the sordid details of whether any sexual relations took place that evening? Figure out what your threshold is for graphic details before committing to an open relationship. [Read: How to fantasize with someone other than your partner]

#4 Do we need labels? Ask your partner if they’re comfortable with labeling your relationship as an open one. Forget about publicizing things on Facebook and other forms of social media as that is the least of your concerns. Instead, figure out the labels for when family members and friends ask about your relationship status. Come to an agreement on whether you even want to share with others the fact that you are in an open relationship.

#5 Will you practice safe sex? This is perhaps one of the most important questions to ask your partner. Find out if he or she will be practicing safe sex and insist upon it. The last thing you want to worry about is an STD or unwanted pregnancy. So lay down the law when it comes to safe sex. Remember to abide by the rules as well and do not let lust get the better of you.

#6 Are partners from the same zip code OK? Some people think that it is a silly question to ask but in reality, it’s very important. Find out if third parties from the same zip code are acceptable or if it’s only something that both of you indulge in when you are out of town.

You have to understand that as populated as the city you are living in is, people talk and the world is in fact a lot smaller than you realize. If you don’t want people gossiping about your open relationship or if you don’t want friends and family in the vicinity to find out about it, then be smart and only meet partners outside of your comfort zone. [Read: The ultimate guide to swinging with your partner]

#7 What are the boundaries? Being in a non monogamous relationship is not easy. There are many things to figure out, issues to discuss, emotions to rein in and so on. Discuss what the boundaries are before both of you hook up with other people. Although it doesn’t make the situation easier, it will certainly keep it less complicated when you know where the line is. Ask questions like whether it is only sleeping with other people that is permitted or whether you are allowed to date them. Do you get a say in who your partner sees? Set boundaries together and respect them.

#8 What are the rules? Similar to setting boundaries, both of you need to be very clear on the rules. All open relationships are different, so there is no one rulebook to follow. Just do what seems right for you and remember that the most important thing here is that you both feel comfortable. Review what the rules are.

Is sex on the first date allowed? Is sex allowed at all? Can we sleep with mutual friends? Do we bring partners home? Can I break pre-made plans to meet a date? Discuss everything and anything that comes to mind and agree on all of it before embarking on an open relationship.

#9 What if I develop feelings? The problem with dating and sleeping with other people aside from your spouse is the danger of falling for someone else. You need to talk about what to do next should you develop feelings. Do you end things with this person? Do you keep at it? As premature as it may seem, you need to figure out what the next step is before you even start your open relationship. [Read: 18 dangerous signs of an emotional affair]

#10 How long should this last for? Is this something that we are going to do forever? Do we stop when we decide to have kids? Figure out a tentative timeline and go with the flow. Many couples are perfectly happy with keeping their open relationship alive forever, but there are others who only want to experiment with it for a short time.

If you can’t decide how long to carry on at the beginning, then set a date several months after starting the open relationship before discussing it again. By then, you would both be set in your roles and know whether it is something you want to keep doing long term. [Read: 15 reasons you’re starting to get bored in your relationship]

#11 What do I want? This is the most important question of all. Ask yourself if being in an open relationship is something that you even want to do. Do not get into it to please your partner. Do not get into it because you are afraid of being alone if you say no. Do not get into it because you are apathetic.

You need to be 100% on board with this before agreeing to it. Anything less will be a massive step down for your dignity and self worth. Respect yourself first and you will know in your gut if it is something that you want to do.

[Read: 15 open relationship rules for a better love life]

Depending on how you look at it, an open relationship could be the best thing that ever happened to you. No matter what, just be sure that you are comfortable with it and never let your partner push you into doing something that you do not want to do. 

Though you can’t go back in time and un-kiss your ex, you can still do a bit of damage control to keep the incident from haunting you. By Danielle Anne Suleik

You thought it was just a harmless get-together where you would reminisce about the old times and show your ex how much better you are now. But then you ended up in a lip-lock without realizing how it even started. It happened. Now, you have to deal with it.

Why did it happen?

No matter who started it, the point is that you both allowed it to happen. The fact that you and your ex kissed means that there are still lingering feelings between the two of you. It’s not necessarily love, but it does prove that you two are still attracted to each other.

When two people who break up reconcile in any form – be it with a date, a kiss or even sex – it rekindles something between the two of you. It’s not necessarily something good. More often than not, reconciling with an ex can lead to consequences.

Why it’s a bad idea…

If you think that kissing your ex was a bad idea, ask yourself why that is. Some see it as a sign of hope and wish for it to pave the way for something new between past lovers. If you don’t see it that way, it could be because you don’t want to start over with someone you’ve already dated and gotten over.

#1 They’re just in it for the hook-up. You’re easily accessible because your ex thinks your history makes it okay for them to try something with you. It doesn’t mean that they want to rehash old memories and feelings. They just didn’t want to bother with someone new. [Read: 16 signs your ex is just after a one night stand]

#2 Old issues will resurface. You and your ex broke up for a reason. If that reason has never been resolved, kissing your ex might make these issues bubble up to the surface again.

#3 They might want to get back together even if you don’t. Kissing is an intimate act that can trigger the basest of feelings like lust. In many circumstances, it can also trigger feelings of love and affection. If you have no intention of getting back together, kissing might give your ex the wrong idea.

#4 You could fall for your ex again. If you made a conscientious effort to move on only to have it ruined by this sudden tryst, you could be in big trouble. If you haven’t moved past your feelings for your ex, kissing them could rekindle those feelings and render your efforts for closure fruitless.

#5 They might already be in a relationship. If you kissed your ex knowing that they’re seeing someone else, you have just crossed into dangerous territory. Not only did you put yourself in a situation where you’ll end up as the third party, but you have voluntarily acted in a way that could hurt someone else.

#6 You might be in a relationship. Kissing your ex seems like a small mistake, but the person you’re seeing won’t see it that way. No matter how much history you have, cheating is always inexcusable.

#7 The unknown. Kissing your ex could mean so many things, but not knowing what these are could disrupt your peaceful life in the process. You might end up thinking too much about it and inadvertently cause unnecessary stress in your life. It could be a good sign, but it could also be a bad sign. In the end, you’ll need to confront your ex about it – which is something I doubt you’d be excited about.

What can you do about it?

If kissing your ex is such a big issue for you, you can decide how you can handle it. You can confront the situation in order to get some closure, or you can put it in the past once more and move on.

#1 Think about how and why it happened. Ask yourself what you want, now that it’s over. Do you want to get back together? Do you want to leave it alone? It’s up to you. Just make sure that the decision you make is one that will ultimately make you happy.

#2 Talk to your ex. Discuss what happened and ask them what they want to do about it. The choice is not just yours – it’s theirs too. No matter how they choose to handle the situation, stand your ground and explain your side so that there won’t be any misunderstandings. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back]

#3 Dissuade them from getting back together, if they insist. Be gentle with your rejection and make them see why it’s the better choice. They are obviously entertaining old feelings for you, which makes it harder to reject them knowing that they want to have you back in their life. [Read: 10 real reasons to not get back together with an ex]

#4 Realize that the kiss may not necessarily mean they want you back. They chose to do it, but they are also choosing not to pursue your relationship anymore. Rein your feelings in and deal with the heartbreak. Just remember that you managed to move forward before the kiss, which means you can do it again. [Read: Are you still hung up on your ex?]

#5 If your partner or your ex’s partner finds out, try to minimize the damage as much as possible. Deal with your partner on your own and try not to involve your ex. If their partner confronts you, try to avoid personal contact at all costs. You can leave a message if you want, but that will hardly count as a deterrent to the rage you invoked. Cheating is wrong, which means you need to face the consequences and deal with the aftermath.

#6 Don’t make a big deal out of it. If you think it was a mistake, treat it like one. Learn from it. Move on, and don’t do it again. It’s that simple. It might be difficult to forget that it happened, but it will eventually become nothing more than a distant memory.

How can you keep it from happening again?

Kissing your ex was probably something that you wanted to do. But in retrospect, you may have some regrets about what happened. Your ex might want to do it again, though. So, here’s how you can prevent it from happening again.

#1 Delete your ex’s number. If you have it memorized, think about how wrong it is for you to type it in your phone every time you think you want to call or text them. [Read: 7 more ways to resist the urge to call your ex]

#2 Delete them from your social media accounts. Block them if you must. Just erase any evidence of them in your life for now. Until this blows over, you can’t control what may happen if you see an adorable picture of the ex smiling at you from the tiny screen on your phone.

#3 If you must talk about what happened, do it once and never again. Deal with what you need to, but don’t linger on the subject. Consider your last conversation with your ex as the closure that you need.

#4 Don’t dwell on the kiss. It’s no surprise that it will pop up in your head over time, but you have to block it out whenever it does happen. Thinking about the kiss, especially if it was a really good kiss, will only make you want to do it again.

#5 Avoid any events that your ex will attend. That’s what your friends are for. They can tell you if your ex is in the area. If that’s true, you need to leave if they don’t. This is just a temporary fix. You can start attending parties with your ex once you’re sure that you won’t end up kissing them ever again. [Read: 14 things to do when you run into your ex again]

#6 Date someone else. Don’t allow that kiss to stop you from seeing other people. You’re not on the rebound because you and your ex are not in a relationship anymore. You’re free to see other people and it will help convince you that the kiss you shared with your ex is nothing more than a parting gift.

Kissing your ex matters only if you want it to. You’re both adults. You can do whatever you want. Just make sure that you’re aware of the consequences and that you are duly prepared to face them.

[Read: 8 ways to deal with an ex who’s still pestering you]

It’s helpful to know the reasons why you kissed your ex in the first place, but this article will remind you why it’s a bad idea. If you feel good about the situation, embrace it. If you think that it was just a one-time thing and shouldn’t be repeated, follow these tips on how you can prevent it from happening again.

The hook-up culture is a pain in the ass of those who are looking for serious relationships. If that’s you, here’s your ultimate survival guide! By Colleen Anne Javellana

Dating has become even more complicated these days. With the birth of dating websites and dating apps like Tinder, more and more people are hooking up than actually going on “real dates.” If you’re looking for something more casual, perhaps hooking up can work to your advantage.

Hooking up vs. Dating

What is “hooking up”? This seems to be the norm in today’s society. In fact, it has made dating sound so archaic, and at times, downright pointless. Hooking up usually means getting into a sort of relationship where there is no actual commitment between the both of you.

People who “hook up” get into sexual relationships without any form of emotional attachment. Of course, when one does hook up with someone, you’re pretty much all set. Do not expect to be part of your partner’s everyday activities, besides the occasional romp between the sheets. You won’t be introduced to your hook up’s friends or family. After all, this is a mutual agreement that you have both agreed on.

Most hook-ups would rather use texting or other messaging apps as the constant form of communication. Why? Because it is cost-effective and super convenient. Plus, it also gives rise to the occasional “booty call.” With dating, people would give you phone calls now and then. You want to hear their voice on the other end of the line. You would want to know how their day went. And you would want to hear their laugh once again.

The hook-up culture can be rather confusing, because you are only allowed to see your hook-up on specified intervals. This could be once a month, or perhaps every other month. Again, it would all depend on your mutual agreement. After all, hooking up gives you time to see other people in between. Those who choose to enter these waters must be ready for turbulent waves that need to be crossed. [Read: The 10 cardinal rules of casual relationships]

Why is hooking up not for everyone?

Many people enter hook-ups without really knowing what they are getting themselves into. It’s like diving into unfamiliar waters, where your only hope for survival is to sink or swim. Most people cannot stand the pressure. And some would suddenly fall in love with the one they are hooking up with.

You need to remember that as far as relationships go, it should be a two-way street. The emotional burden of being the only one making the relationship work is just too exhausting. In fact, this is the very reason why many hook-ups never work. Someone is bound to get hurt just a few months into the no-strings attached relationship. And what started out as a good idea might turn into an emotional and psychological nightmare for many.

How to survive today’s hook-up culture

For those of you who aren’t sure how you can make it through this generational dating phase, here’s our guide for what you can do to avoid getting your heart broken by someone who’s just looking to hook up.

#1 Know what you are getting yourself into. As the great military strategist, Sun Tzu once said, “If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles. If you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one. If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.” To enter into battle unprepared is foolish. To dive into unfamiliar waters is suicide.

Entering the hook-up culture emotionally unprepared is considered social suicide. You must remember that when you enter a hook-up, you are there for the casual sort of relationship it brings, nothing more. Do not expect any commitments or emotional attachments, as hooking up is a “no strings attached” sort of thing.

#2 Know when to take charge. If you have decided that the hook-up culture would work for you, then by all means, go for it. When you see someone you like, make the first move. When it comes to the hook-up culture, it all comes down to making your intentions clear. If that person rejects you, move on to the next. After all, there are no emotional attachments whatsoever anyway. [Read: 12 ways to a hook up with a girl]

#3 Be honest and open about it. Once you are in the relationship, remember that honesty is crucial even when it comes to hooking up. Your partner is no mind-reader, so be clear about what you want. If possible, set all your ground rules on paper. If you plan on being exclusive, make sure to make this clear to your partner to avoid any future conflicts.

#4 Be responsible. Casual hook-ups are mainly all about the sexual relations. Since most hook-ups tend to be a non-exclusive sort of thing, it is always advised to practice safe sex. STDs and unwanted pregnancies are still very real things, and one does not want something as burdensome as that, especially in a casual no-strings attached sort of relationship. Taking responsibility is always the mature thing to do and should always be put into practice. [Read: 25 rules of being friends with benefits]

#5 Learn to not take things personally. Let’s face it, hook-ups have an expiration date. Sometimes, people just can’t take the pressure or one of you suddenly wants something more serious with someone else. Whatever the reason, you will find that your partner will disappear from your life just as quickly as they have arrived.

When this happens, it is best to not take it all personally. People will leave eventually. It’s inevitable. Do not mope around or feel bad about yourself. Don’t stalk their social media accounts, and do not drunk text them. The hook-up culture requires some form of emotional detachment that comes in handy when your partner suddenly bails. [Read: 15 signs your partner is just leading you on]

#6 Have a sense of humor. Hook-ups are meant to be fun and lighthearted. You don’t have to keep things all serious and straight-laced when you are together. Sometimes, the best way to keep a person interested is to have a sense of humor about your entire arrangement. Keep it light and fun, especially in bed.

#7 Learn when to leave. There are times when the hook-up will just leave you hanging. Sometimes, the answer is indefinite. When you feel that this relationship is not worth your time, you have every right to leave. If you feel that this is doing you more harm than good, it is best to walk away than to keep torturing yourself.

Remember, hook-ups are supposed to be a lighthearted way of getting into a non-committal sort of relationship, but if you feel more emotionally burdened, learn to accept that this sort of thing is not for you. Make sure you exit with dignity. [Read: How to stop selfish people from hurting you]

#8 Look at the positive side of things. The world is an endless sea full of assholes and jerks, and in one way or another you will get hurt. You might find yourself developing feelings for the one you are hooking up with, and he or she might not feel the same way about you.

Despite all this, remember that your happiness matters. Be positive, and try to see each relationship, failed or otherwise, as a rich source of life lessons. After all, it does take a bad relationship to make you appreciate all the good ones that come into your life. [Read: 20 reasons why he may never, ever love you back]

Hooking up has become so prevalent nowadays that it makes dating seem like a myth. Social media coverage has come so far as to make reality shows that would glorify it altogether. But while hooking up is not evil by any sense of the word, it is clearly not for everyone, and you need to remember that.

[Read: How to have a no strings attached relationship]

Know yourself before getting into a hook up. If you prefer committed relationships, it’s best to avoid entering the complicated world of hook-ups. After all, many have tried and failed, and it’s definitely not an easy road to tread on.

Your friend is gay, and that’s cool. But what if you found out that your gay friend happens to have the hots for you? Find out what to do here! By Nina Rizon

So you have a gay friend who is into you, and you want to get rid of the romantic flavor, but not of the friendship. It is understandable that gays find straights irresistible, because even heteros find them irresistible!

And it is pretty common, if not normal, for a friend to want to be more than just friends with someone they’re attracted to. [Read: 6 easy ways to know if she’s a lesbian]

It’s not surprising to hear stories about gay men or lesbians falling deeply in love with their straight best buds. The truth is… *drum roll please*, love knows no orientation. In fact, being in this kind of situation is always tough no matter what gender it is coming up to you.

Whatever is at stake may not be as high as having to lick wounds of rejection, but surely the feeling of being so close to losing someone who is considerably a part of yourself will be definitely as painful.

For starters, if you are in this kind of scenario, I have to say that you obviously value your friendship even if you have no plans of returning their feelings. The fact that your friend belongs to the rainbow team and you don’t, yet you guys are good friends, shows that you certainly made a commendable stand by simply befriending him or her. High five for being such a good mate!

Alright, so how do you really break it to them gently? *insert CD: Break it to Me Gently by Brenda Lee* How can you politely turn down a friend without causing any more pain than necessary? Come to think of it, is there really a painless way to break somebody’s heart? *change CD: James Ingram, There’s No Easy Way To Break Somebody’s Heart* But seriously speaking, if loving someone is never easy, loving someone who happens to be your friend, and worse, who happens to be straight is twice as bad as being run over by a truck. It already takes a lot of courage to “wear your heart on your sleeve” despite knowing that the feeling may not be mutual. So, try to take it easy and cut your friend some slack!

How can you turn down a gay friend who’s into you?

WARNING: Be definite about the attraction; make sure you are not just surmising the wrong signals. Just because your friend is gay, doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is automatically into you.

#1 Don’t lie your friend away. Yes, you can turn your gay friend down by telling them a bunch of lies, a symphony of fabricated facts hoping that it would make the situation less embarrassing than it looks. But this can only work to a certain extent. The decision to lie your way out of the awkward circumstance could be fuelled by many things, say for example, you don’t want to upset your friend or you don’t want to sound offensive or you can’t think of anything else to say.

So out of thin air, you might start blurting, “You know what dude, I want to be an astronaut and live in the outer space so perhaps I shouldn’t do relationships here on earth” or “I just had a bad breakup so I prefer to be alone and listen to Taylor Swift” or maybe “I am sorry buddy but I plan on entering the seminary, care to join?”

However, if you go down this path, you will sooner or later feel accountable for upsetting your friend. Eventually you are going to be caught, and then everything will be worse than an epic nightmare. After this, you will feel gauche towards them, then you will have one less friend instantly.

#2 Don’t bury your head in the sand. While you could save yourself from having to face the status quo by ignoring your friend’s confession, this alternative will in due course generate tension in your friendship. You owe it to your friendship to address the issue the best way you can.

Do not be mistaken that by acting standoffish, you are actually doing them a favor. At best, you are even making things difficult for your friend. The silent treatment won’t work in this scenario. [Read: Why do some men feel uncomfortable around gay men?]

What’s the best approach to turning down a gay friend’s approach?

Nothing beats plain honesty. Bear in mind however that since you are about to rebuff a person, no matter how you do it, it is still going to hurt like hell. Nevertheless, you can reduce the throbbing and save the friendship by applying the following, to wit:

#1 Take a deep breath and try to relax a bit. If your friend should confess that he or she wants more than just a platonic form of love, you might want to stop for about half a minute to absorb and process the information. But do not be quiet for too long, as your friend might assume that you couldn’t care less.

#2 Be level headed in this situation. Consider the things you would do or feel if you were on the other side of the boat. You don’t want to sound and look cocky by immediately uttering inappropriate words or reacting too strongly. Keep in mind that the person who is attracted to you is the same friend you had five minutes ago, and that person has not changed at all. Do not let your emotions get the best of you. Stay calm and try to make sense of what is happening.

#3 Sit your friend down for a private conversation. You wouldn’t want to embarrass your friend in public and at the same time make a fool out of yourselves, would you? Making things private doesn’t mean that you are ashamed of what you just learned, but on the contrary, it demonstrates that you care about your friend and you don’t want everybody to make a big deal out of his or her feelings.

#3 Apply the sandwich approach. Begin by saying that you feel flattered that your friend finds you attractive and you appreciate the honesty. Express all the things you like about your friend, whether it’s their unwavering loyalty, their patience with you or the fact that you can talk about anything and everything under the sun.

After this, spill the beans and let them know that you are straight and you cannot do intimate relationships with those of the same sex. Be gentle but drive the point home enough. This is the most difficult part, but drop it flat out politely but firmly. Be careful not to send the wrong message by sounding like a homophobe. Stress that you respect your friend’s orientation, but you simply don’t share it.

#4 Make your friend understand that it is okay and that this newfound openness doesn’t bother you in any way. Insist that they don’t have to feel ill at ease about it, and that you would really like to maintain your friendship. Speak in a compassionate manner while saying this and mean it with all your heart. If you opt to, tell them that you want to stay close friends.

#5 Give them hope, but not for you. Reassure them that the perfect person is out there waiting. Just because your friend got rejected by you, doesn’t mean he or she is unlovable. There are tons of guy and gals out there who would chop off their left arm for a chance to be with someone as awesome as your friend!

#6 If your friend is insistent, reiterate that you would really appreciate it if they will respect your decision and your friendship. Otherwise, do not hesitate to use your middle finger! Kidding! In this case, it may be best to give him or her the time to absorb everything. [Read: How to effectively turn down a friend who’s into you]

Just because your friend is gay and also happens to be in love with you, doesn’t mean you have to end your friendship. After all the fuss is over, you can one day look back at this incident and just laugh about it.

Bad dates are about as pleasant as the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Here are some effective exit strategies you can use on your next bad date. By Charley Reid

True story, my worst date was with a guy I met on an online dating site. Though take note, this has nothing to do against online dating sites as I also met my now fiancé on one. Within the first 20 minutes, the guy ordered red wine, oysters, let me know he recently dated a stripper because he liked ‘helping’ people (he was a doctor), that I reminded him of Natalie Portman in the movie ‘Garden State’, and then excused himself to the bathroom for a good 30 minutes.

I know he meant the whole Garden State comment as a dig, but I took it as a huge compliment because it just so happens to be one of my all time favorite movies! Seriously. I wanted to tell him he reminded me of the “Craigslist Killer,” but I bit my tongue.

Have you ever been on a bad date like this? Don’t you wish there was an eject button that could instantly transport you to anywhere outside of a ten-mile radius from the person you’re with?

How to get out of an awful date

If you can relate to my bad date, or ever find yourself on a date that you want to end right away, try these 8 exit strategies to get out of there!

#1 Planned emergency phone call. This one is pretty well known when it comes to going on a date with someone new. Make sure to let a friend know that if you text her your “secret code,” it means she is supposed to call your phone ASAP, begging for you to come to her right away, because there has been an emergency.

This one also never fails. I mean, your best friend was in your life way before your date was, and you could never leave your BFF stranded during an emergency, so your date has to understand how dire of a situation this is! Hopefully, he’ll also get the hint you’re not into him because of how universally known this tactic is. And if he doesn’t, well, that’s a “stage-5 clinger” situation, and well, we’ll just save that discussion for another day.

#2 Be disgusting. Depending on your personality type, you’ll either find this tip amazing or completely unimaginable. It will also depend on how miserable you are on your date. There is probably nothing more disgusting to a guy than a girl talking about anything to do with it currently being that time of the month for you, talking about having a heavy period, or anything to do with having to use the restroom.

If you really want to turn your date off, talk about how you have to basically change your tampon every 20 minutes, or how you accidentally crapped your pants when you farted, or make up something else so vile that whenever he looks at you now, he’ll only be able to see the image you’ve created in his mind. You know, the image of you basically replacing Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids.” [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date]

Using this strategy will end your bad date real quick. If you don’t care that he forever remembers you as the “crap girl” or “bloody tampon girl,” and if you aren’t worried that he tells his friends about you, then this is a great technique.

#3 Use work because it works. If you are currently employed in any kind of work, this one is a great, easy, and much less grotesque way to get yourself out of a miserable date. Maybe he wants to order another glass of wine, or maybe he’s eating his food really, really, really slow. These moments are great for you to throw in the old “I hate to have to do this, but I just got an email from my boss telling me to be in the office an hour earlier than normal” or “I have to go. Just got an email that the deadline for this project is tonight at midnight!”

#4 Be a ghost. This is when you disappear and don’t come back. You should say something along the lines of how you have to use the restroom, or you have to make a really important phone call. Then you get up, walk away, and remove yourself from the table, and from his sight. Then you should wait about 5 minutes, and leave. Make sure you have a friend on standby waiting to pick you up outside.

Now, this part is very important: you must eventually be sure to let him know you’ve left, roughly at around the 30 minute mark! Seriously. You do not want him to actually start worrying about your safety, and get the cops involved and file a missing person’s report. [Read: 12 rules of being a classy dater]

#5 Have another date lined up. There’s nothing wrong with having a backup. People have backup phones, backup purses, backup drives, backup plans, so by all means, have a backup date! To make it even easier on you, tell your secondary option that you will text him at around 8pm to meet you at whatever restaurant you know you’ll be at. By doing this, you’re already assuming you’ll need an exit strategy. But if you are enjoying your first date, then you’ll still need text your second option at 8pm, letting him know that you need to reschedule.

What better way to get out of an awful date, than having another date show up and crash the party? I’m pretty sure that your first date will get the hint you are just not interested, and when he asks, you’ll just tell your second date “Oh, he’s just a friend I ran into while waiting for you to get here, so we grabbed a drink real fast!” He’ll never think twice. [Read: 12 signs you’re on a date with someone who’s taken]

#6 Make the menu your best friend. If you use this strategy, come hungry and thirsty. Actually, you don’t really have to be hungry or thirsty, just make sure he thinks you are. Become a food critic, someone who wants to literally try everything on the menu.

Order the filet, chips and salsa, the cheese balls, the Cobb and beet salad, the duck, the tuna sandwich, and whatever else your little heart desires. Chew with your mouth open, chug your drink and you’ll make him wonder if you’ve got a bottomless pit for a stomach. He’ll probably ditch you before you ask for the dessert menu.

#7 Be a storyteller. If you are looking to get out of a bad date, this is another great strategy. Become the ultimate storyteller. Talk about all your ex boyfriends, all of your friends’ ex boyfriends, and don’t even bother really taking a breath. In fact, it works even better if you don’t really let him continue to say much of anything.

You can even make stories up. After all, you will never see this guy again anyway! Tell him about how your ex boyfriend and you still have sex, even if you don’t, and about how you’re actually going to go hang out with another guy you’re talking to once you leave there, even if you aren’t, and how you’ve been arrested for stalking one of your exes who got a restraining order on you (never happened). [Read: What you really need to do to have a good date]

#8 Facetime your mom and dad. What better way to scare a guy off than introducing him to your parents too soon? And by too soon, I mean literally on your current, cringe-worthy date.  Start by saying something like “OMG! Let’s call my mom and dad, they would love to meet you!” and before he can say anything, pick up your phone, and get mom and dad up on that video chat.

Obviously your mom and dad will know you’re having an awful time. You don’t have to talk long, but talk long enough that it has an awkward silence or two. And if you are feeling really bold, set your phone up against the wall at the table where you guys can all eat together! How cool! Don’t you just love technology? He’ll be so confused and weirded out, and he’ll want to run away from you just as much as you want to run away from him.

[Read: The good, the bad and the ugly way to end a date]

So the next time you’re looking to escape a bad date, and you’d actually rather hear sound of nails on a chalkboard, use any of these 8 strategies for a quick exit back to your sanity!

The Prince kissed Sleeping Beauty to wake her up from her slumber. But what if Sleeping Beauty is doing the kissing while she’s still asleep?

Have you ever gone to sleep on your bed, only to wake up on the couch with no knowledge of how you got there? Or have you ever had roommates tell you that they saw you walking and tried to talk to you the night before, but you weren’t responding, and you have no recollection of it? You might be sleepwalking. Count yourself fortunate, for it’s a whole different ball game if you’re suffering from sleep sex!

Has it ever happened to you where your partner swears that you initiated sex the night before or that you masturbated beside them, and you have no idea what they are talking about? Or have you ever woken up in another bed, apparently having had sex with another person, with no memory of it whatsoever, add to the fact that your last memory is of lying down on your own bed? You might have sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia is a very bizarre disorder. People who suffer from sexsomnia might not even know that they are suffering from it, or if they do, they are completely clueless about its symptoms, causes, and treatment. It is best to learn everything about sexsomnia as soon as possible, as nocturnal sexual activities can lead into potentially dangerous situations, and even illegal activities. You might force yourself on someone against their wishes without you knowing!

What is sexsomnia?

Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder that results in the sufferer having sexual activity during sleep. Sexual activities can range from masturbation to sexual intercourse. It is one of a set of sleeping disorders called arousal parasomnias. The sufferer is aroused from a deep sleep state by some trigger, but the brain doesn’t fully wake up, resulting in a half-asleep/half-awake state. During an episode of sexsomnia, the sufferer’s eyes are open, and they can stand up and walk.

What are arousal parasomnias?

Arousal parasomnias are sleep disorders that disrupt a person’s normal sleeping process. They are presumed to arise due to abnormal arousal mechanisms in the brain, resulting in the person being awoken without the brain being fully alert or conscious. Arousals happen from the non-dreaming, deep-sleep stages of sleep. Other arousal parasomnias include sleepwalking, sleep talking, night terrors, and sleep paralysis.

Who are at risk?

Studies suggest that sexsomnia affects approximately 8 percent of people with sleep-related disorders. Fortunately, only four percent of the population sleepwalks, so those with sexsomnia are an even smaller percentage. Studies suggest that sexsomnia affects persons past their puberty stage, compared to sleepwalking and sleeptalking that commonly affect children and pre-pubescent teens.

Nonetheless, sexsomnia is not an isolated affliction. Sexsomniacs are shown to suffer from other sleep-related disorders including insomnia, sleep talking and sleep walking in their childhood or even in adulthood. Sexsomnia also tends to run in the family.

Sexsomnia triggers

Sexsomnia’s triggers are similar to those of other sleep disorders. A person suffering from sexsomnia falls asleep as any other person. However, as they enter into deep sleep, something wakes them up, but the brain wakes up only partially. Triggers can be a sudden noise, such as a loud bang or the phone ringing. It can also be triggered by an event, such as an accidental pat or touch.

Causes of sexsomnia

There is no known cause yet for sexsomnia. However, studies suggest that anxiety and stress may have a hand in the frequency of sexsomnia episodes. It can also be prompted by another sleep disorder such as sleep-related epilepsy or sleep apnea. Drinking alcohol and taking sleeping pills are also said to increase the risk of having an episode. However, sexual libido or sexual activity before sleep show no connection to the risk of having a sexsomnia episode during the night.

Effect in men vs. effect in women

Sexsomnia affects men and women differently. Men afflicted with sexsomnia typically stand up or sit up, and act out. They kiss, caress, and fondle another person. They may also initiate sex with their partners. It may be a friend sleeping beside them or in extreme cases, even a stranger. In some cases, the other person is an unwilling partner, resulting to possibility of criminal prosecution.

In women, the effect is different. Women typically just make aroused noises, like they are dreaming of having sex. Sometimes, they also touch their genitalia and masturbate.

Sexsomnia and mild amnesia

Similar to sleep walking or night terrors, the person suffering from sexsomnia has no recollection of the experience when they wake up. They wake up utterly clueless that they had done any sexual activity during the night or had inadvertently forced themselves on someone. However, there is one type of sexsomnia that doesn’t have amnesia as a side effect—that caused by sleep-related epilepsy.

Symptoms of a sexsomnia episode

A person with sexsomnia typically has no clue that they are going to have an episode at any given night. Thus, it is important to recognize the symptoms of an episode as it is happening. Partners of people with sexsomnia observe that sufferers appear to be awake when they perform the sexual act.

However, they are unresponsive to communication such as talking or getting their attention. They also appear glassy-eyed. Once the partner recognizes the signs of a sexsomnia episode, it can be easier to assist the person to wake up.

Treatment for sexsomnia

As yet, there is no known cure for sexsomnia. However, there are ways to adapt to sexsomnia:

#1 Awareness. Familiarize yourself with the causes and triggers of a sexsomnia episode. Keep up to date on recent studies regarding the disorder.

#2 Safe environment. There may be no cure yet, but there are ways to prevent harm to yourself or another person during an episode. If the sexsomnia is triggered by loud sounds, it may be best to wear ear plugs. If you are prone to sleep walking, as well as sleep sex, it may be advisable to have your partner lock the doors, so you won’t get out of the room or the house.

Install alarm systems in doors, windows, and gates to alert others if there is an episode. Some people opt to stay in separate bedrooms to prevent any untoward incidents.

#3 Medical treatment. Sexsomnia is a very rare disorder and as such, there has yet to be a medical cure for it. Some doctors prescribe mild sedatives to lower the risk of sexsomnia. Some doctors also use anti-depressants, as it is shown that the frequency of sexsomnia episodes increase when the person is suffering from anxiety or having trouble sleeping. However, with these options, the patient is closely monitored to ensure that the drugs are working and are not abused.

#4 Community support. When suffering from sexsomnia, it can be hard to deal with the disorder by yourself. You need a support group that understands what you are going through. Enlist the help of your family so they can provide support.

There are also online platforms that allow sexsomniacs to meet and talk about the disorder. Likewise, there are medical centers and clinics that cater exclusively to sleep disorders.

Sexsomnia as a criminal defense

Sexsomnia episodes can cause a lot of harm not only to the patient, but also to the sexual partner. When the partner is unwilling, a criminal prosecution for rape follows.

In Sweden, a man’s conviction for rape was overturned on appeal on September 2014. The man’s defense was sexsomnia—that he was unaware that he was committing rape, because he was still asleep at the time. His appeal was bolstered by the testimony of a doctor specializing in sleep disorders, as well as the testimony of his previous partner.

However, this issue is still highly controversial. Some argue that it can be difficult and nearly impossible to determine whether a person is really having an episode or merely making an excuse. However, medical experts in the field of sleep disorders countered that there are signs when a person is really having an episode, one of which are brain wave patterns that are peculiar to people in REM sleep stage.

[Read: Is it sexomnia or do you just wake up really horny in the middle of the night?]

No matter how bizarre it sounds, sexomnia is a very serious condition that can greatly affect both the sufferer and the people around them. However, no matter how unmanageable it may seem, there is hope in support groups, medical professionals and loved ones who can help the sufferer.

Is your friend or coworker always asking for a date? Here are some ways to turn them down, along with scenarios for what might happen afterwards.

When someone you’re crushing on chases you around in the hopes of winning your affections, it’s magic. When someone you’re just not into does the same? It’s torture! You may hope their relentless pursuing will simply stop on its own, but deep down you know you should be constructing a rejection plan.

Rejection sucks, whether you’ve known the person for 2 years or 2 weeks, making it all the more important to approach your rejection with care.

Unfortunately, even if your admirer takes your rejection well, they’re still going to leave your conversation with some hurt feelings. Even worse? So will you. Rejecting someone doesn’t exactly feel good. It’s awkward, it potentially ruins an otherwise great friendship, and it makes your future interactions with that person uncomfortable. That being said: rejection doesn’t make you a bad, or mean person. It makes you an honest one.

What not to do when you’re rejecting someone

Even veterans of the rejection game still commit some of these gaffes. Be considerate, and keep these tips in mind.

#1 DON’T give false hope. It’s downright easy to put off rejecting someone by pretending to be confused about what you want, but it’s important never to give your admirer false hope, either. Acting like you might have a future with this person is not only mean, but will probably result in endless nudges from that person asking if you’ve made your mind up yet. It also prevents your admirer from moving on to someone else who may return their affections.

#2 DON’T reject someone through a friend. Just because you share a mutual friend, doesn’t mean you can use that person as a go-between to reject your secret admirer. It’s rude and downright juvenile to get your friends involved in your dirty work. Put on your big-girl pants and have the courtesy to do it yourself.

#3 DON’T reject someone in public. Giving your message of rejection via social media may seem convenient, but it’s also extremely rude. Just because you could reject someone via Facebook, still in your PJs while sipping your morning coffee, doesn’t mean you should do it. Not to mention, rejecting someone in front of others is humiliating and degrading. Show this person enough respect to say your “No thank you” in private.

[Read: Top 9 reasons men get rejected by the women they want]

How to reject someone you’re not into

So how do you reject somebody with class, charm, and tact? Here are some methods, from cowardly to downright honest, to reject that persistent somebody.

#1 For the coward: Rejection via text. Technology is the way of the future, right? If that’s true, then surely your secret admirer won’t mind being rejected via text message. A simple “No, thanks,” or “Sorry, I just don’t see you that way” is much easier typed than said. A definite must if you’re going the coward’s route!

Benefits: No one is around to witness the awkwardness. After all, they’re not going to forward your rejection text to all of their buddies! You also won’t have to be there to see the hurt look on their face.

What to expect afterwards: Not only are you not showing this person the respect of talking to them face-to-face, you might just be making things worse. Why? The tone of a text message is left entirely up to interpretation of its reader. What you might think you’re writing as caring and compassionate, the recipient might take as rude and demeaning.

#2 For the procrastinator: avoid them. When your admirer asks you out, simply tell them you aren’t sure how you feel about them yet, and you need more time to think. Or tell them you have a busy week ahead, and you’ll let them know when your schedule clears up. Avoid follow-ups.

Benefits: Odds are, you can come up with a million excuses and keep this going for quite a while, before they finally get the hint.

What to expect afterwards: If false hope was given and then later found out to be a ruse, be ready for them to announce to their friends what a tease you are. Keep this in mind: A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise.

#3 For the mean girl: blatant lying. Ah, the blatant lie. This is one of the easiest ways out of a sticky rejection. For some reason, the sting of rejection is often curbed, when there seems to be an elaborate excuse behind it.

Some ideas: you currently like someone else, you’re not looking to date yet, you just got out of a relationship, you’re traveling a lot for work, or you’re conveniently moving to China to become a celibate monk… and the list goes on.

Benefits: It’s the easiest way out, without hurting their feelings too badly. [Read: 14 no-fail ways to turn down any type of guy]

What to expect afterwards: Lying usually works just fine while you’re in the moment, but never underestimate the determination behind someone with a crush. Those under the spell of your brilliance are relentless when sniffing out the truth.

If you say you like someone, they’ll ask your friends if it’s true. If you say you’re working too much, they’ll pop into your workplace with a surprise lunch! The bottom line is, they’ll probably find out you’re a big fat liar, and you’ll be stuck trying to explain away your lies.

#4 For the professional: business cards. Have some professional business cards printed. These run super cheap, if done online. Have your card simply read: “No, thank you.” The next time someone asks you out and you’re not interested, simply tell them you’ll give them your card.

Benefits: Straight and to the point. Makes you seem prepared for anything.

What to expect afterwards: The reaction to this method is either going to be a good-humored laugh, or the recipient might think you’re the spawn of Satan. Either way, this rejection is reserved for strangers, jerks at night clubs, and all around people that you don’t know – so who cares what they think of you?

#5 For the brave: honesty. It’s hard to be honest, unfortunately. However, it’s highly suggested that the next time someone asks you out, you nip it in the bud immediately and honestly. If you don’t want to go out with them, tell them that. You don’t have to be mean about it, but you do have to be direct.

Benefits: You didn’t lie to your admirer, or toy with his or her feelings. You were open and honest.

What to expect afterwards: Once rejected, the person who used to be so smitten by you might suddenly disappear from your life. This can happen for a number of reasons: embarrassment, sadness, not being able to stay friends, an attempt to make you see what you’re missing, etc. If this happens to you, it shows that the person you rejected has no intention of keeping you around unless they can date you.

On the other hand, the one you rejected may react favorably by admiring your honesty and choosing to remain on good terms.

It takes courage to say no

It takes real courage to come out and say “no,” when someone asks you out. Temptation is abound to avoid that person, or at least avoid hurting their feelings. The hardest form of rejection? The truth. It’s hard to be honest, and it’s hard to let people down. So the next time you bite the bullet and use the honesty card, give yourself a pat on the back. [Read: Things to keep in mind when you reject a guy]

When someone asks you out, it might catch you off-guard, or you might even resent the awkward position you’ve been put in. Before you’re ready to let loose on them, just remember that while it takes courage to say no, it also takes a lot of courage to put your feelings out there, so try not to be too soul-crushing with your rejection.

Do you think you’re being scammed by an online Catfish lover? These are 9 tips to help you find out if you’re being duped!

Are you being duped by an online lover? If you’ve been dating someone online and something is starting to smell a bit fishy, then you could be falling victim to a Catfish!

If you’ve been living under a rock for the last 5 years, then you don’t yet know that the term “Catfish” was coined by an indie film of the same name, wherein Nev Schulman believes he’s pursing a relationship with an attractive young girl online, but he has really been nabbed into a sick romance with a middle-aged mother and her cast of make-believe characters. Post-movie Catfish madness, MTV got a hold of Nev, hosting a show outing manipulative online Catfishes and exposing their stories on TV.

How to spot a Catfish

So what does an online Catfish do? What are the tell-tale signs of being duped? And how can you hunt down your online lover to find out if they’re actually a liar? For those not up for outing their business on a TV show, here are 9 ways to catch a Catfish.

#1 Google their name and e-mail. One of the easiest ways to track down your online lover is to do a Google search of their full name or their e-mail address. There may be no results, or there may be pages full! Make sure you put quotation marks around your search word, as this will ensure only the specific word, e-mail, or phrase you searched will come up in the results.

#2 Pay attention to details in photos. If you’re truly suspicious that your online lover is too good to be true, have a good look at their image gallery. Do they never seem to age in their photos? If their gallery is real, they’ve likely had social media for years now, and their gallery should reflect that: aging, different hair lengths and color, as well as having friends in photos.

Check not only for friends in photos, but also see if the friends are tagged. If their whole gallery is just a collection of selfies, with no other people present, then your online crush is either a narcissist or a fake, in which case, you’d be a fool to continue dating them online. [Read: 16 signs of an attention whore to watch out for]

#3 Do a Google image search of their photos. The majority of Catfish don’t use their original photos, preferring to use the Facebook or Instagram albums from an unknown model or even photos from complete strangers! To do a Google search, simply drag the photo in question into Google Image Search and see what comes up. Odds are, if your online lover is faking, you’ll see their image come up on other websites.

#4 Check out the friends list. How many people are on your crush’s friends list? There’s a delicate balance of the number of friends your crush can have without seeming suspicious! If your online love only has 15-30 friends, yikes! If your friend has 1000+ friends? Even bigger yikes! Consider yourself in the safe zone if the person you’re pursuing online has an average number of friends.

Check out the people on this person’s friends list. Are they active on their social media? Do they only log on or make posts around the same time that your crush does? Do they have lively photo albums, with tagged friends and a healthy interaction on their wall? Keep your eyes open to suspicious friend activity!

#5 Check out the Catfish’s interactions with their friends. Many social media users would often have conversations through the comments section of a post. Real friends who post real comments on posts would usually mention inside jokes or things that they often do together, as well as the occasional “I miss you” or “let’s hang out.”

On the other hand, people who comment on a Catfish’s posts would be more inclined to just leave a quick comment or compliment. There are no hints that the commenters have ever interacted with the owner of the profile.

#6 Fishy jobs spell out C-A-T-F-I-S-H. Does your online lover have a suspicious job? This is a common trait of online fakers. Common jobs include models, music producers, actors, photographers, artists, and even freelancers. If your online crush doesn’t seem to be affiliated with any company that you can Google, it may mean that they’re faking their job to lead people on.

#7 Have you spoken over the Phone or Skype? If your crush doesn’t know how to Skype, or refuses to talk over the phone – you definitely have a scammer on your hands. My grandpa uses Skype, and he’s 82. There’s no way a young person using social media doesn’t a have a camera or doesn’t know how to use at least one video chat application.

#8 Are they asking for money or gifts? There’s a fine line between Catfishing and online scamming. If your crush is asking you for money to pay phone bills, rent, groceries, or if they are hinting at or blatantly asking for expensive gifts, then you not just have a Catfish, but also a giant user on your hands! Block! Delete! [Read: 11 signs you’re being used for sex or money]

#9 Do they tell ridiculous stories to avoid meeting? Are you and your Catfish living in the same area, yet you haven’t met yet? Many Catfish come up with elaborate stories as reasons not to meet you, such as getting into a car accident, losing a loved one, variations of either themselves or their loved ones falling victim to cancer, or other more outrageous lies. Watch out for flimsy or over-the-top excuses!

Hook, line, and good thinkers! Why do people Catfish?

If you’ve finally nabbed your Catfish and confronted them as a liar, try not to lose your cool. While some online fakers think of Catfishing as a game, the majority of them simply want to escape the life they’re living. The reasons for their faking their appearance usually has to do with deep emotional issues, life tragedies, and personal insecurities – so try not to be too harsh if the girl or guy who feels like an ugly duckling wanted to try out life as a super hottie for a night!

If you’ve been Catfished, the best thing you can do is move on! Even if your Catfish seems to have a heart-wrenching story for why they lied to you, you can’t continue on in a “relationship” where there is no trust. Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice? Shame on you!

You’ve formed a connection with someone! But the bad news is that you have a boyfriend… And the object of your affection is his best friend!

So you’ve been flirting with your boyfriend’s homeboy and you think there may be something more than just a spark between the two of you. Your mind is likely racing with a million questions: is he right for you, is it worth the risk, what’s ailing your current relationship to have let feelings for someone else slip in, can your boyfriend pick up on your subtle flirtatious hints? Yikes! A ton of questions with some potentially exciting, potentially scary answers!

If you’re seriously thinking of running off with your boyfriend’s bestie, there may be a couple of points worth considering before you do. Things can get especially tricky if you’ve been with your current boyfriend for a long time. You’d be smart to take some time to meditate on what you really want out of life, love, and relationships.

So what do you do when you like your boyfriend’s best friend?

You know from the start that this will be a complicated scenario. But it will be even worse if you do absolutely nothing and let your crush turn into something more. So what’s the right course of action?

#1 Can you outlast your crush? Take some time to consider whether this is just a crush, or if you have genuine feelings for this person. People in long-term relationships tend to get bored around the 2 or 3 year mark. This is completely normal, and in most relationships this boredom will fade, and you’ll head back to being smitten as a kitten with your beau.

If you are feeling bored in your relationship and are entertaining a schoolgirl crush on your boyfriend’s best friend just as something to do, or something passing, your best bet would be to wait out your crush and work on your current relationship.

However, if you think you have genuine feelings for this person and see a future with them, or you feel truly dissatisfied with your current relationship, you should seriously consider dropping out with your long-term partner and exploring some new options. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

#2 Identify your relationship woes. If you’re having feelings for someone else, you need to take a deep look at why. When you love someone, there is usually a connection that’s formed that makes you want to be exclusive, or feel the slightest bit of healthy attachment to them. When this goes missing there is usually a solid reason behind it.

Are you simply attracted to the friend more than your partner? Is your current sex life dwindling or leaving you unfulfilled? Have you and your partner stopped communicating with one another? You’d do well to explore these issues, before simply abandoning your lover and jumping into a new relationship. [Read: 10 common relationship woes and how to deal with them]

#3 Can you really leave your mate? You need to make a weighty pro/con list about your mate. If you’re entertaining the idea of taking up with his best friend, you need to view it as more than just a fantasy. Remember that while this person may seem alluring or ideal right now, sooner or later reality will set in and you’ll come to know his flaws and weaknesses just as you did with your current boyfriend.

You should never stay with someone if you are living in perpetual unhappiness, but always remember that if he made you happy once, odds are he can do it again, if you share the load of working on your relationship. Consider if your time together is truly worth throwing away.

#4 Break it to the friend. Odds are if you have a crush on the best friend, he’s probably aware of it. In fact, he’s probably flirted back and entertained thoughts of you in ways that should only be reserved for your boyfriend. At some point or another, it’s best if you talk openly with the bestie about how you feel. Ask him how he feels about you and if he wants to be with you beyond just having the fantasy. If you leave your mate, you need to know that he’s going to be there for you.

If you aren’t planning on leaving your boyfriend, and don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings, you may simply want to approach the best friend and say that you feel like a flirtatious vibe has been going around. Tell him you want to work on your relationship and won’t be engaging in any flirtation with him any longer. Practice your charm and good use of feminine wiles to get out of this conversation casually and without any awkward tension afterwards.

#5 Show him respect. Even if you are 100% positive you’re going to leave your mate, whether you end up with his friend or not, you still need to show him dignity and respect. This means you shouldn’t be flirting with his friend right in front of him. Other no-no’s for respectful relationship behavior is not sleeping with his best friend, or having a secret rendezvous whether they are romantic or not.

You need to do all you can to be without reproach, should you break up. You’d never want him to throw in your face that’d you’ve been ungrateful for his love and time, or that you’ve been a liar or a cheat. Also remember that if you cheat on your guy with the best friend, the best friend will likely be suspicious of whether you would do the same to him. This is not a great way to start a foundation of trust in a new relationship.

#6 Decide how to approach your boyfriend if you want to break up. If you do decide to end your relationship, you need to decide the best way to approach the subject. Is he the type of guy who would respond better to simply never seeing you again? Would he want to hear about the new relationship straight from you, or from his best friend?

One of you will need to tell your boyfriend that you’re together. After all, he’s just been dumped. The first place he’s likely to go is on a bro night with his best friend. How awkward would it be if you’re there when he shows up? [Read: How to break up with someone you still love]

#7 This will probably ruin their friendship. Odds are your current boyfriend isn’t going to appreciate his best friend, whom he trusted, scooping his girlfriend out from underneath him. There will be hurt feelings and the subject of betrayal will be no stranger to your upcoming conversation. This can cause an extreme amount of emotional turmoil for all three parties involved, not to mention your collective slew of mutual friends.

#8 Bonus tip: Take the high road. If staying with your man is intolerable, while running into the arms of the best friend is too fraught with difficulties, then you can always take the high road and do neither. When your boyfriend no longer fulfills your needs, you have every right to leave. But don’t go running to the best friend either, as this is sure to cause a conflict.

In this scenario, it may be better off to resist the temptation to even mention that you have a crush on your guy’s best friend. And in order to keep the entire issue under wraps, put some distance between you and the two guys whom you have conflicting feelings for. Sure, you’ll be single while pining for a crush, but this is a small price to pay compared to the potential complications that may arise if you pick one over the other. [Read: 10 ways to resist the temptation to cheat]

Whether you choose to stay with your guy or go with his best friend or just get out of the entire situation, remember to always handle things with maturity and grace. Don’t resort to cheating and causing more chaos. Instead, be honest with what you feel and do what you think is best for everyone involved.

Who needs strings when you can keep it casual? Here’s a guide for having casual sex while keeping your mind and heart intact.

Sex is amazing. It keeps you fit, makes your skin glow and releases your endorphins – which scientists believe are way better than drugs. It comes as no surprise that people love it. They crave it and enjoy it. Some people are a bit more into sex than others, but the gist of it all is that sex makes you happy.

The issue, however, is that many people believe that in order to have sex, you need to be in a relationship first. Many cultures even require you to get married first. I agree that making love, as opposed to f*cking around, seems like the more ideal situation. Unfortunately, not everyone is equipped to be in a relationship before they start entertaining the idea of having sex. [Read: 9 brilliant tips for having a casual relationship]

Are you ready for casual sex?

Casual sex is not recommended for virgins. We’re not saying you’re not allowed to do it, but there are emotional and physical repercussions that can scar you for a long time. Ideally, you are better off losing your virginity to someone you really trust, like a boyfriend or a very close friend.

If you have had sex before, but not casual sex, you need to be aware of what you’re in for. Sleeping with someone just for fun might seem like an ideal situation, but there are still various risks involved.

At best, you could catch a curable disease. At worst, you could contract HIV. Even if your partner is clean, you can still get pregnant. Bear in mind that condoms are only 85-95% effective, while birth control pills are 92% effective. With those statistics, you can’t help but think that maybe you’re better off sleeping with someone who can bear the weight of being a parent on short notice.

Aside from the physical risks, casual sex also leaves you open for emotional problems. Depending on your state of mind and vulnerability, sleeping with someone makes you susceptible to deeper feelings that can be misconstrued for love and affection. Sex is a very intimate act, no matter what context it’s being done in.

Being prepared for the physical and emotional risks is necessary, if you want to have a casual romp in the sack. Just be sure that you can handle yourself, in case anything bad happens. Always have a support system, like trusted friends and family, a good medical insurance package and a whole lot of condoms. After that, you’re pretty much good to go. [Read: 25 rules of being friends with benefits]

I understand the consequences. Now show me where I can find an easy lay.

Finding someone to sleep with immediately is only easy if you are in the right location. Your chances of getting an easy lay are dependent on your community’s openness to the idea. If you are from a small town, the chances of finding someone to sleep with are very slim.

If you’re in a big city, then you probably have about 300 possible prospects in one night alone. If you’re a man, 10 of those might even agree to sleep with you. If you’re a woman, your chances are significantly higher. Let’s say 200 out of 300.

Now, where do you find those people? Absolutely anywhere. The issue lies on whether or not you can make them agree to sleep with you. So, here is the list:

#1 Online dating. Admittedly, this concept started as a way for people to find their true love. These days, it is turning out to be an easy way to bypass the dating stage in order to get to the hookup stage. Some people who use online dating still want to find relationships, but you will soon find that most of the ones who are active users are just in it for the hookup. [Read: 9 social media sites to use to get yourself a date]

#2 Bars. These places are perfect for extroverts. Most people who go to bars are open to meeting new people. The setting is not as intense as it is in clubs. Themed bars are perfect as well. Karaoke bars have lots of girls. Sports bars have lots of guys. Finding a hookup there is dependent on your ability to give a winning opening line and closing the deal before your tab runs out.

#3 Clubs. People who hang out in clubs have a tendency to get drunker than those who go to bars. If you want to find a hookup at a club, you have to start the initiation before your prospect becomes too wasted to remember your face and the concept of a hookup starts to enter the potential rape zone.

The good thing about being in a club is that your inhibitions disappear faster, which means that your chances of a hookup become higher. Just don’t sleep with extremely drunk people. That never ends well. [Read: 14 ways to keep it classy at a party]

#4 Twitter. I was surprised to find out that Twitter worked well for finding hookups. The only catch is that you need to be an active user and not someone who uses it only to find dates. It’s easy to say “Hi” by mentioning a person, but you can’t exactly ask them out without letting the whole world know. It’s best if you follow each other, so you can use Direct Messaging instead.

#5 Facebook. When using Facebook to find hookups, you risk divulging your whole life to a random person. They can easily see who your friends are and they can opt to judge you based on everything you’ve ever posted. The good thing about it is that you can do the same thing. When hooking up with strangers, it’s better to know more about them before you do anything. Social media can really help with that.

#6 The gym. It might seem like an innocuous place for hookups, but gyms are full of endorphin-pumped people of all ages and genders. You can actually smell the sex appeal when you enter the building. A little compliment here and there on someone’s abs might just get you a date for the evening. [Read: The step-by-step guide to getting yourself a f*ck buddy]

#7 Weddings. Men love weddings because of the opportunity to woo vulnerable women crying at the thought of their unsure futures. Women love them because they know that men like those are present in the vicinity. All you need to do is feel for the right person and express your intentions subtly, but cordially. You’re at a wedding, after all.

#8 The beach. The idea of finding sex at the beach is so popular that they even named a drink after it. Most single people go to the beach expecting a tropical tryst. The best part is that those people probably made their bodies beach-ready in time for their vacation. Hot people in hot climates always means a chance for something equally steamy.

[Read: How to have a great no strings attached relationship]

Regardless of the location, there’s always the off chance that you’ll meet someone you can form a sexual chemistry with. Just remember that when you do the deed, stay safe and keep in mind the consequences of sleeping with someone you barely know. 

By definition, an almost-relationship is headed in the right direction, but falls short of anything that involves a real emotional investment.

These days, relationships are no longer seen as a yes or no thing. There are tons of gray areas between not being a couple and being an actual, official couple. The funny thing is that the gray area seems to be getting bigger and bigger, as more types of almost-relationships pop up.

You may wonder why people don’t just man up and make things official. But with the advent of technology giving singles so many options, there will always be that nagging feeling that you’ll miss out if you completely commit to just one person. Hence, the hookup culture and its many colorful shades of almost-relationships are born.

For those of you who have never experienced an almost-relationship, here’s an eye opener for you.

The almost-relationships you find in today’s hookup culture

Almost-relationships aren’t any less “real” than your run-of-the-mill-headed-for-marriage relationships. But what defines these almost-relationships is their inability to really reach the point where both people are in it for the long term. Here are the most common almost-relationships that you may be well-acquainted with.

#1 The cyber flirtation. You see that little red notification on your Facebook page, signifying that you have a new message. There’s no doubt as to who that message is from. The cyber flirtation is the almost-relationship that can’t seem to drop that “almost,” because everything that happens between the two of you happens online. Your “relationship” is composed of “likes,” sweet little comments, and romantic messages. You might even play online games where your characters are dating or married.

What kills it: When neither of you have an internet connection, you’re not too keen on the idea of taking things offline a.k.a. going out on a real date.

#2 The un-date. This is the almost-relationship you have with someone you go on un-dates with. What’s an un-date? It’s not quite a date, but it’s a notch above hanging out. Everything’s casual in an un-date, and neither of you feel pressured to have that good night kiss at the end of the date. For all intents and purposes, you’re just hanging out and flirting while you’re having brunch or hanging out in a bookstore or taking a walk in the park.

What kills it: Odds are one of you will start to want to go out on a real date. If you both think it’s a good idea, then you’re a step closer to a relationship. If one of you doesn’t think it’s a good idea, then the other one may feel that this relationship will inevitably end up heading nowhere. [Read: Everything you need to know about flirtationships]

#3 The pseudo-LDR. This is one of those almost-relationships that had a whole bunch of potential to become a real relationship. The problem is, one of you had to move away, so you never really got around to making things official. In an attempt to keep the chemistry alive despite the distance, you download all the LDR apps you can get your hands on… And then you delete every single one, once the passion fizzles out.

What kills it: The distance is usually the prime suspect here. But there are still some couples that make their relationship official when they’re already miles apart. [Read: 10 survival tips for long distance relationships]

#4 The one built on sexual tension. You know how sitcoms always bank on the sexual tension between the hot leading guy and his equally hot femme fatale partner? That’s what it’s like when you’re in this almost-relationship. It’s all about the sexual innuendos and the will-they-won’t-they moments that keep you on your toes. One more nudge, another shot of tequila or another flirty comment, and you’ll be all over each other. But without that extra shove in the right direction, you’re both just stuck with the tension.

What kills it: The tension that never gets anywhere may sometimes be too much, and one of you ends up just hooking up with someone else.

#5 The mutual crush. This is the tamer, more high-school-ish version of the sexual tension almost-relationship. You both like each other. You both know it. Heck, the whole world probably knows it. But for some reason, neither of you are willing to make the first move, despite hanging out with the same people, and having all those people push you towards each other.

What kills it: The frustration of knowing that someone who likes you can’t seem to muster up the courage to formally ask you out will leave you feeling like you’re not worth their effort. And so you move on to someone who’s more responsive.

#6 The office romance. Because of how boring work can get, you start a flirtation with someone from the office. Take note, the person you’re having this almost-relationship with isn’t your usual type, and the only reason you’re going through with this is the fact that you need a little more motivation to show up for your 9 – 5 job.

What kills it: Either someone from HR gives both of you a memo, or the whole routine of trying not to get caught starts to get old. [Read: 9 tips for a hassle-free relationship with a coworker]

#7 The gremlin. You know that gremlins multiply when there’s water, right? This almost-relationship, much like a gremlin, only flourishes when there’s a certain liquid involved: alcohol. This almost-relationship is the one where you’re only into each other when you’re drunk.

What kills it: Anyone you associate with the next day’s raging hangover will eventually have to bite the dust.

#8 The all-physical relationship. It goes by many names: friends with benefits, f*ck buddies, casual sex partner, and a host of other creative names. This almost-relationship can’t seem to transcend the physical realm and hop into the emotional realm. It’s all about sex, nothing more.

What kills it: A lot can go wrong with these types of relationships. One of the most common killers is, obviously, the fact that the sex is getting boring. [Read: 9 brilliant tips for having a casual relationship]

#9 The one that’s all in your head. The way he touched your hand wasn’t accidental, right? The winky face in her message means she’s into you, right? This almost-relationship is the one that only transpires within the crevices of your mind. Ask anyone else and they’d think you were delusional. And yet, you still hold on to the fact that the object of your desires is as into you as you are into them.

What kills it: You wake up and realize that they’re not into you. Or worse, you find out that he or she is with somebody else. Ouch.

[Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your life]

Every relationship goes through the “almost” phase at some point. But with these almost-relationships, that point turns into weeks of prolonged tension, waiting, and in some cases, regret. The good thing about these almost-relationships is that they teach you that not all relationships are meant to happen, so you’re better off saving yourself for one that’s worthwhile.

Flirtationships are meant to be enjoyed up until it’s time to end it or to step it up to a full-blown relationship. Which path is yours headed?

What is a flirtationship?

A flirtationship is when two people, friends or otherwise, decide to flirt with each other without expecting it to turn into something more. You don’t kiss. You don’t have sex. You don’t date. You just flirt.

Flirtationships happen at school, work, parties, gatherings – anywhere that has a group of people engaged in any activity that does not involve having to be on a date. You can flirt by complimenting each other, making sexy jokes or just by fooling around without having to take your clothes off. You can even do this through texts, emails or social media comments.

All in all, it’s pretty safe and gratuitous. There’s no pressure. Most of your friends will end up teasing you, but they won’t even try to set you up, because you’re already flirting. Flirting is just something that people do to pass the time or test the waters on whether or not they are ready to be in a relationship – and it does not necessarily mean that it’s with the one they’re in a flirtationship with. [Read: Everything you need to know about flirtationships]

To flirt or not to flirt?

There are many reasons why people will choose to be in a flirtationship, but most of those reasons are something that only one of the two people involved can control. One of you could be in a relationship, you rarely see each other, you live in different cities or maybe one of you is not ready. Any valid reason not to be in a relationship counts as a reason to be in a flirtationship.

Being in a flirtationship can give you enough time to decide what you really want out of the person you like. You can choose to pursue an actual relationship, content yourself with your current situation or forget about it and never look back.

It seems easy from an outsider’s point of view, but being involved in a flirtationship means that you are already emotionally vulnerable. Just because it seems harmless, it does not guarantee that one of you won’t fall for the other. When this happens, you need to start reconsidering your position. Do you want something more? Or do you just want to let it go?

Signs your flirtationship has fizzled out

Flirtationships don’t last forever. They can last for years and never move forward, but it never goes beyond that. People will either develop feelings for their flirt buddy or they won’t. Here are the signs that your flirtationship is headed nowhere:

#1 He still hasn’t asked you out on a DATE. The one thing that sets a flirtationship apart from other types of pseudo-relationships like affairs, friends-with-benefits, etc. is that no one ever goes out on a flirtationship date. When your partner continues to flirt with you, but never really attempts to officially ask you out, that’s as good as it will ever get. [Read: 9 ways to get him to ask you out]

#2 He has flirtationships with other people. Flirtationships are non-exclusive. Once someone starts flirting with you and you flirt back, it’s already considered a flirtationship. If you notice that your partner is being too flirty with his other “friends,” it probably means that your flirtationship is nothing special, and probably won’t be in the future. [Read: 15 obvious signs of flirting between two people]

#3 You can’t bring yourself to ask, “Where is this going?” There is no good way to DTR or define-the-relationship when you’re in a flirtationship. You have no tangible factors to draw from like sex, admissions of feelings or any other forms of intimacy and affection. You were just flirting. You can’t exactly upgrade to a relationship from something as trivial as that. So, how can you move forward if you can’t even bring up the subject of where your little “thing” is headed? [Read: 6 tips for talking about defining the relationship]

#4 When you do ask, they “don’t know.” That’s because they know exactly where they stand and can’t deal with something that hasn’t seriously crossed their minds. If you want a relationship, you need to ask for it. But first, you have to consider whether your flirt buddy feels the same way.

#5 You start getting frustrated by the situation. One of the biggest red flags to consider in a flirtationship is being frustrated that you don’t have more. This means that the temporary high of your flirtations has now reached its peak and is spiraling downward, taking you with it. You need to stop, re-evaluate your situation and find out what you really want, before you overreact to something that isn’t a big deal to the other person.

#6 Nothing you do or say can change the situation. Even if you do put the idea of a relationship on the table, there is a big chance that the person you’re flirting with will reject the idea. When this happens, you need to accept it and move on. You can’t push someone to do something that they don’t want – that definitely includes turning a flirtationship into a relationship. [Read: 10 signs it’s time for the relationship talk]

#7 You’re tired. Being in a flirtationship is fun at first, but there will come a day when you get sick and tired of not being able to progress with your feelings. All the smiley faces and compliments cannot make up for the fact that you can’t say “I love you” or go on a date.

Flirtationships are simple. Love is complex and needs to be explored on a deeper level. If you’re finally ready for that, then I suggest you dispose of your flirtationship immediately.

How do you end a flirtationship?

Ending a flirtationship is very different from breaking up with someone you are in a relationship with. You don’t need to explain yourself. You can just stop doing it and no one will hold it against you. But when do you decide to stop?

You stop being in a flirtationship when all the signs listed above start to become more substantial and obvious. You can’t stay in a flirtationship because the only benefit you get is a temporary escape from the reality that is your single life. You may be flirting with a friend, but his feelings for you cannot be validated, unless you both start to contemplate moving your flirtationship forward.

If that doesn’t happen, you need to end it. How? Here are a few tips:

#1 STOP FLIRTING BACK. Lessen the emojis. Stop acting like a sorta-girlfriend. Start treating your friend like a friend.

#2 Casually tell him you plan on getting serious with the next guy you like. If that’s not an obvious sign to step back, I don’t know what is.

#3 Lay everything out in the open. Try being honest. You never know. He might just need a jumpstart to realize that a relationship with you might be better than a flirtationship that will end in nothing.

[Read: The crucial guide for surviving the hookup culture]

Now that you know what makes and breaks a flirtationship, you can decide whether it’s time for you to step back and find something meaningful with someone who cares for you. A flirtationship might be fun, but sometimes a girl just needs someone who is willing to do more than flirt with her.

The world is full of people waiting to find the person that they’re meant to be with. What happens when you find two and can’t choose between them?

We can’t help who we like, and we can’t help it if we like more than one person. As much as you wished that one person embodied everything you’re looking for, it just isn’t possible.

Sometimes, the traits you want in one person can be seen in different types of people. That’s probably why it takes some individuals a long time to find a person that they like and that they’re compatible with.

When we do find someone whom we feel is perfect for us, we can still discover that there are some aspects about their character, appearance, and personality that we don’t like.

Some people find those missing pieces in others, while some end up finding two or more people who have everything they want and need. The problem then becomes choosing who to be with, despite knowing that the other one still stands a chance.

Facts about liking two people at the same time

Attraction is a tough concept to analyze objectively. So let us tell you what goes on when you’re equally attracted to two different people.

#1 Liking two people at the same time is not a crime. When they both ask for exclusivity or a commitment, and you agree to both, that’s when the line between right and wrong starts to get blurry. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

#2 When you like two people at the same time, you will start to compare them. When it turns out that you can’t find anything wrong with either of them, you might start to consider staying with both of them just to satisfy your need for their affection.

#3 If you’re not committed to either of them, you’ll find yourself seeking both of their attention. The problem with this is that it can be exhausting, since you’re trying to attract the attention of two people who may want completely different things.

#4 You’ll get confused about what you really want in a person. It’s confusing when you find yourself attracted to two people who are complete opposites. It can start to make you wonder which traits you’re genuinely attracted to, and which traits you’re just tolerating in favor of other traits.

#5 You might crave the other person’s presence when you and your current partner encounter problems. That sort of thinking is what leads to cheating.

Despite the potential problems posed by the issues above, there are still advantages to liking two people at the same time. If you’re not dating both of them, you still have two choices. Not many people can say the same for themselves. Having choices means that you can make an informed decision about who is worth pursuing.

By taking your time, you can choose which one makes you happier, so you can set the other free. That way, you won’t hurt anybody as much as you would have if you decided to date them both at the same time. [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications]

What do I do if I can’t choose?

No one can tell you who to like or love, and that’s what makes choosing so complicated. If you don’t make a decision as soon as possible, there’s a chance that these people will make the choice for you. They will either fight for you or leave you. It depends on how they perceive your worth.

If you’re the type of person who will cheat just so you can date both of them, don’t be surprised if they figure out that you’re that kind of person, and thus, leave you. If, however, you made no promises and are planning on choosing just one, you have to do it soon because some people aren’t willing to wait for those who can’t see their worth.

The importance of choosing one over the other

Being attracted to two people and having them be attracted to you may seem flattering, but the truth is, you need to choose just one of them to ensure that no one’s feelings get hurt. If you’re still unsure of how to go about the situation, these questions may help guide your decision.

#1 Do you think you can be truly happy if you don’t choose one of them? If your answer is, “I’ll find a way.” Then, you’re asking the wrong questions here. If you never plan on choosing just because you think you can control the situation, then good luck with that!

Dating two people at the same time is only okay if everyone agrees to it, but that never lasts. Sooner or later, everyone’s instincts will kick in, and you’ll see that seeing other people is simply a temporary fix to a bigger problem – your indecisiveness.

#2 What’s stopping you from choosing? Are you afraid to lose one of them forever? Are you scared that you might be making the wrong choice? Are you being fair to both of them? Do you want them both, regardless of the consequences?

Whatever it is that’s stopping you, always remember that your decision affects everyone. You’re not just hurting one person. You’re actually hurting three, and that includes yourself.

#3 What would you do if you weren’t afraid or reluctant to choose one? What if there were no consequences? What if the relationship you chose was perfect, and the other person became a good friend of yours? Who would you choose?

Sometimes, the answers will come to you when you remove all of the fears and the negative assumptions that are crowding your mind.

#4 Do you think they’re happy with your situation? When all you do is think of how your decision affects yourself, you start to forget that there are two other people involved. Have you considered what they want and need? What if they’re tired of waiting and are too hurt to understand why you keep holding them at arm’s length?

If you’re dating both of them, don’t you think one or both of them will wonder if they’re not good enough for you? The worst that could happen is when they both realize that you’re just treating them like options.

#5 Are you selfless enough to let go of one of them? It’s difficult for a relationship to grow when one of you is not fully invested. Neither of them will be happy with a long-term arrangement wherein they’re keeping themselves exclusively for you, but you’re free to date others.

When you continue to date both of them at the same time, you’ll end up fueling conflicts and jealousy on both sides. However, if you choose just one, you may only end up temporarily hurting one of them with your honesty, while the one you chose will end up being happy with you. Isn’t the latter situation a lot less complicated, and ultimately, more favorable?

#6 Do you want to see them happy? If you can admit that you’re too selfish to let either of them go, you need to ask yourself if their happiness is just as important as yours. It’s understandable that you might want to put yourself first, but it’s not reasonable for you to do that at the cost of someone else’s joy.

Think carefully about the kind of person you want to be: do you want to be the selfish person who wants to bask in the attention of two different people, or do you want to be the person who’s strong enough to let someone go to prevent further pain?

[Read: Help! I’m in love with my boyfriend’s best friend]

When you’ve found that you’re attracted to two different people, you either end up dating one of them or neither of them. No matter how badly you want to date them both at the same time, in the end, one or both of them may end up being wise enough to sever ties with someone who can’t make up their mind.

The problem with online dating is that anyone can pretend to be someone they’re not, which is why you must know how to spot a liar from an mbps away.

Before you decide to try online dating, you need to accept that there will be liars. The internet gives everybody the freedom to say whatever they want without being held accountable. Have you ever been on a Reddit or 4chan thread? That’s how much freedom every Internet user has. The only difference with online dating is that you are voluntarily choosing to date those anonymous people.

Why do people lie on online dating sites?

On online dating sites, people are more likely to lie because there is a huge amount of pressure to present the best version of yourself. As impressive as your life is, there will be someone nicer, smarter, more attractive and more successful than you on a dating site. The worst part is that they are your competition.

In order to up their game, people tend to lie about their appearance, their careers, and their personalities. It’s easy to play with these factors because you can’t exactly force people to reveal themselves when they say they’re not ready.

#1 Some people lie because they’re too guarded. They can’t resolve themselves to the fact that they need to open up to people, so they come up with an online persona that reveals only the most non-incriminating details.

#2 They’re insecure. It’s is especially hard for them when they see the competition, so they exaggerate their good points to draw more people towards them.

#3 They want to take advantage. They can be gold diggers, scammers, perverts, or even criminals. Be wary of these types of people.

#4 They do it for shits and giggles. Some people lie because they can, and they won’t be held accountable for it. It’s a cheap thrill, but a thrill nonetheless.

When you think someone is lying to you, the best you can do is ask. If that doesn’t help, you better take everything that person says with a grain of salt, or you could end up being Catfished or robbed of all your money. Just sayin’. [Read: How to catch a Catfish – online fakers revealed]

Liar alert: the ones who lie about their looks

Some people lie about their appearance because they feel that their flaws can overshadow who they really are. They can be insecure and really guarded because of this. Sometimes, they lie about their appearances to hide their identity as well. Others lie when they don’t want to be discovered because they’re planning something sketchy.

#1 Their profile picture is the one from two years ago on their social media profile. There’s a huge possibility that they use that photo because it’s the only nice photo they have. It’s highly likely that they no longer look like that, but they’re probably just insecure about the way they look now. They’re still worth giving a chance, in my opinion.

#2 It looks like they applied the whole Instagram filter set on their photo. This is another evidence of a person’s willingness to lie just to cover up their flaws. It’s understandable, but it’s hardly attractive, especially when online dating is dependent on the initial reaction to a person’s appearance.

#3 You can only see their head. This person might be insecure about their body, or they just don’t have a decent full body picture. Either way, it’s your call on whether or not it’s an issue.

#4 You can’t see their head. This is highly unattractive, but people still choose to do it. They’re either hiding from their significant other, or they’re not willing to show you their face unless they feel it’s necessary.

#5 They look too Photoshopped to be true. Use your instinct and always cross-reference their photo with their social media profile. If you can’t access their personal profiles, don’t trust the photo immediately.

Liar alert: the ones who lie about their identity

When people lie about who they are, it’s usually the biggest red flag that tells you that you should not entertain this person. No matter what their reasons are, they are obligated to give you a sense of security and comfort because dating a stranger is inarguably the riskiest thing anyone can do in terms of relationships.

#1 Will never show you a picture. A lot of people fall victim to this because they give people a chance through conversations and messages. The probability of finding Liam Hemsworth behind that blank profile photo space is very slim, so I suggest you demand a photo if they want to see you in person.

#2 Will not give you a link to a social media account. This is the age of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. They’re on a dating site, so they must be technologically-inclined. They’re either hiding something or just don’t want to be found. Dating someone who can’t be partially validated isn’t wise.

#3 Their answers don’t correspond to their photos, questionnaire answers, and profile answers. Obviously, you will explore their profile and photo sets. The conversation will eventually lead to those, and you can easily spot a liar when they can’t even recall what they put on their profile or questionnaire.

#4 They give vague answers to questions about their profession, interests, and hobbies. These types of questions require simple answers. If they can’t even tell you what their job is, why should you trust them at all? Even if they were the prince of an obscure country, you’re still entitled to some honesty.

#5 They are not Google-able. Not everybody can be Googled, but it’s still difficult to date someone who doesn’t exist online. For security reasons alone, you don’t have anything to hold on to when things go wrong. Try to date someone with an online presence because it’s safer than dating someone who has no confirmable identity.

[Read: 14 important dos and don’ts of online dating]

Liar alert: those who lie about their intentions

This is very tricky because there is no verified method to catch someone in a lie, unless you bring a certified polygraph test and examiner with you on your date. A person’s intentions will eventually be revealed, but it’s best to know what you’re getting into before you regret your decision to go out with them.

#1 Their answers are open to interpretation. When you ask them about their intentions, they usually give you vague lines like, “I just want to have an amazing date with you.” Statements along those lines can mean more than one thing. Be specific with your questions, and never settle for answers like that.

#2 They promise. You just met. Why should you believe them, even if they pinkie swear? People who make promises that easily can’t be trusted. The very fact that they think that promising something to a stranger is okay should ring your alarm bells. Be careful not to believe them, and always use your instincts.

#3 They redirect the question back to you or they change the topic before answering. When they hesitate like that during your conversation, try not to believe them when they finally answer. They might be telling the truth, but the fact that they had to think about it makes it difficult to take their answer at face value.

People lie all the time, but you need to be less complacent about it when it comes to online dating. You encounter the same problems when looking for dates organically, but it’s harder to verify people’s identities when you meet them online.

Just make sure that you take the necessary precautions like insisting that they give you their full name and social media profile. Always have an exit strategy, and trust your instincts. They’re actually more useful than you think.

[Read: 30 effective tips to help you win at online dating]

Liars on online dating websites are a dime a dozen. But despite this, you can always trust your instincts and take note of the tips above to avoid going out on a date with someone who chooses to be dishonest with you.

So you just had the best sex ever since who knows how long. What’s next? Are you going to call your partner, and if you do, what are you going to say?

The after sex call is the prerequisite acknowledgement of the fact that you “did it,” and whether or not you and your partner will agree to a repeat. It can sometimes start off as a “thank you for last night” and end with “So, when am I seeing you again?”

It can also be the call that will determine whether or not you still have a chance at a relationship or not. Sex can sometimes complicate the flow of a budding relationship. If it happens too early, there’s a chance that the offer of a relationship is taken off the table. For some of the lucky ones, sex can actually solidify the start of a relationship.

The after sex call will tell you a lot about the person you slept with, and it will even allow you to discover some truths about yourself and how you feel about the situation. All in all, this is the call that will make or break your sanity, in terms of the intimate night you just had.

Is the after sex call necessary?

For one night stands, after sex calls are unnecessary and usually frowned upon. If the fact that it was a one night stand isn’t clear, you can use the after sex call to confirm whether or not there will be a repeat of the night before.

It is necessary, because not knowing where you stand can make you feel anxious about how your night went. No matter how great a time you had, you’ll never know how a person will feel about you the next day, especially after you’ve had sex.

If you don’t care about that, the after sex call or conversation can serve as an indicator whether the night before was the last time you’ll see each other, or if it was the first of many dates or booty calls to come. [Read: 10 booty call flukes that can look like true love]

When is it okay to call?

We recommend making the after sex call the night after you’ve been together. It will give you enough time to recover and have something else to talk about besides what happened on your date. Aside from that, it will give you and your partner a little time to miss each other.

Calling right after you get home or after your partner left is only okay if you feel comfortable about it. You had a blast and you’re excited to talk to the person you like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If, however, you’re calling to see if everything’s still good, then you’re only going to seem desperate and pathetic – not in their eyes, but in yours. Calling for validation never ends well, and it probably means that you’re not okay with what you did last night.

What to say during the after sex call?

If you’ve never made an after sex call, we are envious of you. But more importantly, your first after sex call can be scary, because you have no idea how it will go. It’s okay to be nervous about it, because it’s usually more awkward than endearing.

For those of you who’ve made their fair share of after sex calls, this can also be a wake-up call for you to stop doing the same crap that never gets you anywhere with your dates.

The dos of the after sex call

Below are some of the things you should be doing before, during and after the dreaded after sex call.

#1 Call at night, on a workday, before your bedtime. The after sex call is not an excuse for you to chat with the person you slept with. Consider it a business call. Therefore it should be done when you are both available and when your partner is likely to answer their phone.

#2 Think carefully about what you want. Before you make that call, prepare what you’re going to say. I’m not saying you should write a speech down. Just make sure that you know what you’re going to say or ask before you make the call.

#3 Say hi and ask them how they’re doing. Be polite. That’s all I’m saying.

#4 Tell them what you want. Don’t hem and haw. You have to talk about what’s next for you guys. If you want a relationship, tell them that you’re not interested in being f*ck buddies. If you want to sleep around with them, ask them if they want to have a repeat of the night before sometime this week. It’s that easy. [Read: 10 casual relationship rules to keep things casual]

#5 Ask them what they want. The situation is not just about you. You should listen to your partner’s side as well. That way, you can end the conversation knowing what their reasons are for choosing to continue or end your relationship.

#6 Let them go if they’re not interested. There will be times when you and your partner don’t see eye to eye. Most men aren’t interested in relationships if they made an effort to sleep with you as soon as possible. Most women agree to sleep with men early on, because of various reasons, most of which are alluded to self-esteem issues or just a need to relieve the horniness. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]

The don’ts of the after sex call

Here are some things that you shouldn’t even think of doing if you want your after sex call to work out.

#1 Don’t ask for a relationship. You just had sex. Whether or not you’ve been seeing each other for a while, this is not the time to talk about it. It’s possible that your judgment could be impaired from the mind-blowing sex, and you’re not being objective about the situation. That goes the same for your partner. [Read: 9 brilliant tips for having a casual relationship]

#2 Don’t call or text them over and over. Why are you being so clingy? Is their reply going to save you from a peril worse than death? If they’re not replying, they’re busy. Twice is enough for one day, and thrice is enough for a week. After that, just stop, because it means that they will never reply or they will only call you when they have an itch they need to scratch.

#3 Don’t ask for a repeat if it’s obvious there won’t be any. Use your gut. If it feels like there won’t be a next time, act accordingly. The answer is obvious if the person didn’t call you within a few days, or if they don’t reply to any of your texts. Common sense can save us all a lot of trouble if we knew how to use it.

#4 Don’t bitch at them when they don’t answer or call you back. I know it sucks. I know it makes you mad. But that isn’t enough of a reason for you to go down to their level and end up being humiliated more than you already have. Control yourself. Breathe. Let it go.

#5 Acknowledge them when it takes them more than a week to call back. Make them work for it, if they called back within a few days. It’s common courtesy to return a call within 24 hours. If it takes longer than that, they either died or they’re avoiding you. It is that simple.

Here are a few more tips, in case your after sex call didn’t go as planned

If the after sex call only left you dazed and confused about what to do next, here are a few more things to keep in mind.

#1 Don’t entertain assholes. You deserve better than a guy who only wants you for sex. Don’t lull yourself into thinking otherwise, especially if the signs are there: No after-calls/texts. He sends late night “Still up?” messages. He never takes you out on a legitimate date ever again. The McDonald’s drive-thru doesn’t count.

#2 Don’t dwell on it. The problem with people who put a lot of value on sex is that they can’t wrap their mind around the fact that some people don’t give a damn about it. You need to accept what comes your way, and let it go, especially if it’s not an ideal situation.

#3 Don’t compromise yourself. If you and your partner’s goals are completely different, i.e. sex versus relationship, don’t agree to whatever they want, just because you want to please them. It’s okay to make some adjustments, but it’s not okay to settle for something you don’t believe in.

[Read: 10 surefire ways to stay friends after sex]

While handling the after sex call may sometimes feel awkward, it’s crucial that you clarify things with your partner. If it turns out that your partner no longer shows interest after sleeping with you, just move on. There’s no sense in wallowing in misery over a single night of sex.

You had a good romp between the sheets, and just when you thought it was time for him to call you back, you get nothing. What gives?

You go out with your friends on a Friday night. This guy has been eyeing you the minute you got inside the club. You think, “Well, he’s cute. Why not?” You took so many shots that you forgot how many you’ve had, and you can feel a surge of confidence in your swagger too.

You pass by the cutie every now and then, and strike up a conversation. You hit it off. You both know what you want. You take more shots. After a couple of minutes grinding and caressing and even some necking, you leave the club and head to the nearest room you can find. [Read: 16 telltale signs that it’s just a one night stand]

You get naked and finish the whole thing in less than 30 minutes. You’ve capped off a night of drinking with some awesome sex, so you head off to sleep. You wake up the following day with a headache and no guy beside you. No number. Not even a hint that someone was there the night before. Where did you go wrong?

Why did he run off without so much as a goodbye?

There are several reasons why guys run away after sleeping with you. These reasons may be because of their personal preferences, reasons you can never understand, as they are from a guy’s point of view, or simply because they know what a one night stand is. Either way, we’re here to offer up some explanations.

#1 Somebody’s waiting for him. Have you ever thought that perhaps, he is actually going home to his significant other? It doesn’t mean he is married, he is probably dating someone or is in a relationship, but just can’t help sleeping with other girls.

There are men like that, and we can’t fault them for acting that way. There must be a reason why they can’t stay with just one girl, and we have to accept that. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]

#2 Workaholic Diaries. If some guys have significant others, some guys have significant work habits. It may sound weird, having to run away after sleeping with you because of work.

But it’s true. There are a million guys out there who wouldn’t compromise their busy work schedules, just to engage in a relationship that they know wouldn’t last. You’re actually lucky he ran away. Imagine having to compete with work. That wouldn’t end well, either. [Read: 5 ways to tell if he’s emotionally unavailable]

#3 It’s all a daze. He could probably be so intoxicated and he hasn’t gotten laid for quite some time now. So that’s all he wants to do and nothing else. You were there. You were flirting back. You seemed to show him you were available.

The reason why he ran away is the same reason why he slept with you in the first place – he was just drunk and horny. No explanation needed.

#4 The pajama party syndrome. You had the best sex of your life, ever. And you felt the intense chemistry between the two of you, in the club and on the bed. You think you’ve finally found someone who can keep up with your witty jokes and your insatiable sexual hunger. So when he finished putting on his clothes and has freshened up, you invite him to stay the night instead.

He looks at you, seems confused or possibly still drunk, and mumbles something you cannot understand and sprints to the door. Did you scare him away? Possibly. But what was it that made him scared? You wanted him to stay the night, and you violated rule number one of one night stands – no one stays the night by requesting it. If he wanted to, he would’ve stayed. But he didn’t. [Read: 12 dating stereotypes of women in man’s mind]

#5 Food for thought. What’s worse than asking him to stay, sleep, and spoon until the sun comes up? Breakfast. His worst nightmare, especially if he is a serial one night stand-er. He probably stayed the night because he was too drunk to drive or he was also tired, and didn’t mind having to sleep next to a stranger.

But asking him to stay longer when he wakes up to see each other’s morning faces, sans makeup and the darkness of the club, well, that’s a different story. Now that he has the energy to bolt out the door, he probably will.

#6 Picky. Have you ever thought that perhaps, he didn’t really like you? Have you ever thought that maybe, he had his eye on someone else in the club or bar, but the first or second pick weren’t responding so he picked you as the third best option?

It is a bit hard to fathom why some guys would like to just sleep with who is available, rather than hunt down who they want. But hey, it’s okay since we all go for the next best thing from time to time, right? If you can’t have the person that you want, then you’d choose the next available one.

#7 Reality bites. Have you seen those romantic comedies where the guy is already in love with a girl, but he still denies it? He goes on a one night stand spree, because he wants to know if what he feels is true. He sleeps with you, wakes up and realizes that he is indeed in love with another special girl. You were just his wake up call.

On the brighter side of things, realize as well that you helped him sort out his feelings. Sleeping with him didn’t end in vain.

#8 Rhythmic complications. Sometimes, sex isn’t just sex. There’s this thing they call sexual compatibility. Even if you did the horizontal tango, there’s still a huge possibility that the guy didn’t enjoy himself. Heck, maybe in your inebriated haze, you didn’t enjoy yourself as much, either.

This is something that you will never definitively confirm, and you can think about it for days, but you will probably never completely understand why he left. So don’t try to figure it out. It’s not worth your time.

#9 What you hear is what you get. If you want more than just a one night stand, then be careful of the words that you use. Sometimes, the guys are listening intently to the things that you say, and if they hear something that irks them, they will definitely be heading out the door.

If your one night stand is really something that you think has potential, you should not hide what you truly feel. Being honest is a plus, but if you think this guy may not reciprocate the way you feel, keep your musings to yourself, lest you get a sharp rebuttal!

#10 One. It’s just a one night stand, not two nights, not three, and it will never be more than that. There shouldn’t even be a reason for him to run away from you, because that’s what one night stands are all about.

It would definitely be better if you don’t expect anything from him, even though he sweet talked his way into your panties in the club. No one should be believed, especially if they are under the influence of alcohol and horny at the same time. Worst combination ever.

Truth be told, you can never really tell why a guy ran away after sleeping with you, unless you see him some time later and you ask him. Even so, you won’t be able to know if he is going to tell you the truth.

The easiest way to get through a situation like this is to just tell yourself that it is what it is. A one night stand, or a sexual escapade. It cannot become a relationship later on, unless you see each other and start dating. [Read: 10 sneaky techniques guys use to sleep with you]

Whatever his reasons were for scampering off after your night of passion, just take it in your stride and move on along. You deserve better than a guy who just runs off without so much as a goodbye.

If you keep falling into the same old patterns and incompatible relationships, you may be a constant victim of the many love traps people set.

Do you know what a love trap is? If you constantly end up in relationships that are borne from the same patterns or need for convenience, then you are a victim of one of these traps. You can rarely tell when you’re faced with a love trap, so it’s best to be prepared when the time comes.

What is a love trap?

It may sound overdramatic when you say the term love trap, but it is a real and prevalent problem amongst impressionable singles. Love traps are relationships that seem like a good idea, but they always end up harming your emotional well-being.

Love traps can hide in the form of a career-compatible relationship, an amazing first date, or even an exciting and mysterious stranger. A lot of people fall for love traps because they seem too good to be true. The worst part is that you won’t know that you’re in one until it’s too late.

The different kinds of love traps

If you want to avoid getting sucked into a love trap, you need to know what they are and how you can steer clear of them.

#1 The meant-to-be love trap. The usual suspect of the meant-to-be love trap is the prom king and queen. Just because everyone expects you to end up together, doesn’t mean that you should. It usually occurs when two people realize that they share similar attributes like physical attractiveness, intelligence, creativity, etc. You might seem perfect for each other on the surface, but relationships can’t rely on similarities alone. [Read: 11 truly corny signs you’re meant to be]

#2 The perfect date love trap. This love trap is tricky because it lulls you into thinking that the relationship will be as awesome as your date. Most people fall into this love trap because they were having so much fun on the date that they forgot to consider whether or not they like the person in front of them. That is why you should focus more on the person than on the experience.

#3 The forbidden fruit effect love trap. A person caught in this love trap will deny their situation vehemently. This is because the forbidden fruit effect happens subconsciously. The more you perceive someone as unattainable or off-limits, your subconscious will derive rationales and justifications that you think are reasonable, but in actuality, are not.

#4 The perceived scarcity love trap. Have you ever wondered why you started liking someone that you never thought twice about when you saw them with someone else? This effect is called perceived scarcity. Because someone is in demand, you start to think that maybe they’re the last of their kind or that there are very few of them left. When you finally get them, you’ll realize that they weren’t what you wanted in the first place.

#5 The falling in like love trap. A lot of people don’t know the difference between being in love and being in like. Heck, even I don’t know how that feels, but I do know that assuming that you’re in love is one of the worst love traps. Love is a very powerful emotion that cannot be quantified. When you start considering acts of generosity and politeness as admissions of love, you might be deluding yourself into thinking that you’re way more attracted to a person than you really are.

#5 The depth of gratitude love trap. Some people perceive love as a form of payment when they don’t have anything else to give. Your depth of gratitude isn’t limited to material or financial items, either. A partner may have sacrificed a lot of themselves for you, and that gesture could end up holding you back from telling them that this is not the relationship that you want.

#6 The emotional investment love trap. This is the complete opposite of the depth of gratitude love trap. When you put too much work, effort, and resources into a relationship, you might be reluctant to let go of it because you’re not sure if you can handle investing more of yourself into someone new. It’s similar to building your dream house in the middle of an arid desert and living there until you die of thirst.

#7 The now or never love trap. When opportunity knocks, it’s understandable that you’d want to take it. However, there is a difference between trying something new and committing to it before you know what you’re getting into. When a person thinks that they will never experience being in a relationship like the one they’re in ever again, they will hold on to what they have, even though it’s not what they truly desire.

#8 The rebound love trap. You can get sucked into this love trap when you want to stand by your decision to start a relationship when you aren’t even ready yet. Some rebound relationships succeed, but they usually fail because of unresolved issues and a lack of closure from their past. [Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship]

#9 The really good sex love trap. This is a very dangerous love trap because really good sex is a highly sought-after commodity. It’s hard to find someone you can be compatible with emotionally and sexually, but what people don’t understand is that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Good sex can be learned and taught, but emotional compatibility is difficult to cultivate.

[Read: 12 subtle signs you’re being manipulated by your lover]

How to avoid falling into a love trap

The tips below are designed to help you avoid any of the 9 love traps mentioned above, and they can also help you find someone that will never put you in a love trap.

#1 List down at least 20 things that you want in a partner. They have to be reasonable, concise, and non-negotiable. You need to be consistent with what you want, or else you’ll end up settling for something that won’t make you happy.

#2 Promise yourself that you won’t date anyone who doesn’t meet at least 75% of your criteria. If they have less than 75% of what you’re looking for, let it go. When you agree to date someone who’s less than what you’re looking for, you’ll just end up being unhappy with the choice that you made.

#3 Take the time to get to know the person you’re seeing. If you don’t want to fall into someone’s love trap, make sure that you’re not setting yourself up to get sucked into one. We enumerated the possible outcomes. Taking the time to determine if you’re faced with a possible love trap can save you from a damaging relationship in the long run. [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]

#4 Follow your gut. Some studies can attest that following your initial instinct is always your best bet. If you follow your gut and end up losing a possible love interest, you can always find a new one. If you ignore the warning signs, and push through with a possible love trap, you won’t be able to reconcile yourself to the fact that you made the wrong choice.

#4 Re-evaluate your motives for starting or staying in a relationship. Whatever your reasons for initiating a relationship with a person you like, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Don’t stay for money, out of guilt, or a sense of duty. Be there for your partner because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

#5 Let go as soon as you can. When you realize how blatantly wrong you are for a certain person, give it a rest. Stop trying to make things work when it’s obvious that you can’t change the situation. It will be difficult, but it is possible. Letting go can sometimes show you that what you had wasn’t what you needed.

#6 Remember that you don’t have to settle for anything less than you deserve. Everyone deserves to be happy and loved. If you fail to achieve either of those in a relationship, there is no point in staying. People and relationships can change and evolve, but there comes a point when you realize that the relationship you’re in failed to grow, and it’s time to cut your losses. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling for an unhappy relationship]

Being caught in a love trap can be an exhausting and destructive experience. It’s called a love trap because the feelings of love or something like it exist, and those feelings are the ones that are keeping you stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Those feelings are also what make it so difficult to detach yourself from your relationship.

If you’re not yet stuck in a love trap, you can still avoid involving yourself in one. Always remember that your choices define the life that you live and the relationships you develop. Knowing what’s best for you can help you realize that a love trap isn’t what you deserve.

Do you date a lot of people to pass the time until your find your true love? Then you might just be a serial dater. Here’s why that’s not a good idea.

Sometimes, love can hit us where it really hurts, and it can happen over and over again. When we start to get sick of all the failed attempts, we give up. But then, we eventually get back up and try to do things differently. For some, they take the “collect and select” route.

What is a serial dater?

A serial dater is someone who dates a lot of people in a short span of time in order to weed out the ones they don’t like and find the one who can reach their standards. Instead of casually waiting for serendipity to get off its ass and bring them their soulmates, some people end up using the trial-and-error method instead. This is when they start to become serial daters.

They start out by voluntarily searching for possible people to date. They frequent the singles watering holes like bars, clubs, pubs – basically anywhere that has alcohol. Many people are even using online dating as a means to this end. [Read: 30 effective tips to help you win at online dating]

Why do people become serial daters?

Serial daters are the ones who’ve experienced love and loss, and are now trying to hack the system by using quantity to justify their search for quality. They will date and date, until they find their soulmate… or die trying. They’ll get exhausted eventually, but that wouldn’t be enough to stop them from trying again.

Others are just in it for the security of having someone in their life, as opposed to the scary uncertainty of being single. These people have never seen the light of a phone that has no new messages, so it’s scary for them to stay single for too long – thus the serial dating.

Dating someone can be comforting for those who don’t know better. Serial dating, on the other hand, is a bigger issue that needs to be dealt with internally. Sometimes, the need to be a serial dater can stem from an underlying behavioral problem. People with abandonment issues are usually prime candidates.

Whatever their reasons are, serial dating that stems from negative motivations is not an ideal situation. You’re better off getting a matchmaker than play musical chairs with dozens of people in a short span of time. [Read: 8 obvious signs you’re a serial monogamist]

Is serial dating really that bad?

It depends on your motivations and reasons for engaging in serial dating. If you enjoy it and have no desire to settle down at all, then it’s probably okay to be a serial dater. If, however, you start to feel like serial dating is a lifeline, you need to re-evaluate your situation. Are you happy with or without your dates? Or are you using them as a crutch to avoid being away from your comfort zone?

More often than not, it turns out to be a bad idea, because you end up devaluing the idea of dating, and are, in effect, turning it into a game of chance with no prize in sight. The goal is to find the one that you want to settle down with, but people usually end up dating to the point of just settling for what’s available instead.

What are the most common pitfalls of being a serial dater?

In order to fully understand the risks of serial dating, here are some of the frequently encountered problems and disadvantages of every serial dater:

#1 Wasted time. Dating takes up time and resources. You’re better off focusing on more important matters while entertaining prospects during the weekends.

#2 Too many failed dates. Failing one too many times can take its toll on a person. You start to feel dejected, which will definitely affect your disposition about dating. [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date]

#3 Too many rejections. Dating too many people opens you up to getting rejected frequently. The continuous slew of rejections might end up affecting the way you look at yourself. [Read: 9 reasons men get rejected by the women they want]

#4 Unnecessary sex. The only thing worse than bad sex is bad sex with someone you don’t care about. It feels empty, and can even leave a souvenir like the next two items below.

#5 STDs. The only way to avoid this completely is by being abstinent. Let’s face it. That’s not an option for majority of the population, especially serial daters.

#6 Unplanned pregnancies. Barring the option of a hysterectomy and a vasectomy, the chances of you getting knocked up by a random date is still 1-20% higher than 0.

#7 Cannot function without an SO. You’ll start to get used to the idea of dating at least one person all the time. You won’t know what to do with yourself when you run out of choices.

#8 Being too dependent on the situation. You start to feel incomplete without anyone’s attention. Being alone starts to become painful, and the only way to stop it is to go out with someone again.

#9 The need for validation. Going on more and more dates means you’re still hot. You’re still attractive, wanted and, in some weird delusional way, loved. [Read: 9 ways to stop being so needy and insecure]

#10 Dating people who know each other. This sucks when you have to explain how you know each other, and what exactly happened between the two of you. It gets worse when you end up working together.

#11 Dating someone your friend dated. You inadvertently broke the girl or guy code, and you’re going to have a hell of a time making up for it with your BFF’s. [Read: 6 reasons to never date your friend’s ex]

#12 Desensitizing. As you continue to see or sleep with other people, the excitement and awe starts to dwindle, until there’s nothing left but lazy indifference.

#13 Your standards get confused with comparisons. You start out with a clear set of standards in mind, but it ends up changing every time you find someone better or worse than the last person you dated.

#14 Perseverance turns into desperation. There’s a difference between being an optimist and being stubborn. When it’s clear that the system isn’t working in your favor, you’re supposed to change your strategy and regroup.

#15 Getting caught in various love traps. Love traps are expectations of relationships that never work out. They are clichéd versions of relationships that most people try to pass off as the real deal.

#16 Forgetting the joys of being single. Everyone has the capacity to be happy, especially single people. Some of the joys we find in loving ourselves can sometimes be better than the temporary gratification of unfulfilling relationships.

#17 Annoying your friends with your baseless relationships. Of course, you’re going to tell your friends about your failed date. And the last failed date. And the one before that. And so on, and so forth. It gets old when the same story keeps getting told in a short span of time. Seriously.

#18 Never staying too long to see a good thing through. When you reject a person before they’ve had a chance to prove themselves, you miss out on actually finding someone who’s perfect for you, because you chose to see only the bad, and you didn’t wait long enough for the good to come out. A-holes and d-bags don’t count. [Read: Why you should always consider a second date]

#19 Losing sight of what you really want. You get lost in the motions of dating, and then you start to forget the reason why you started. You start living date-to-date. You stop looking at the end goal, because you’re too focused on dreading the next date. [Read: 50 questions to ask if someone’s right for you]

#20 Not loving yourself enough to wait for the one who’ll love you more. One of the reasons why you date too many people too quickly is that you’re looking to fill a hole that necessitates the validation and attention of another human being. The truth is that you’re the only person who can fill that hole. Nobody else.

What are your options?

The number one option for you is to stop and take a beat. You don’t need to be a serial dater in order to find the person who can make your dreams come true. If it’s love that you want, you need to start with yourself.

Reflect on what made your past relationships fail. Learn from your mistakes. Pinpoint the red flags that you missed. Take some time alone to gather your thoughts. Even a month without any communication can open your eyes to a lot of truths as to why you constantly date people without finding one who matters.

Therapy also helps, so don’t be afraid to get professional advice. The best plan, however, is for you to take a breather and try to date yourself for a while. You might find out what you don’t like about yourself, but this will help you find out why you’re such an amazing person as well. [Read: 10 things you can do to bring your soulmate to you]

Being a serial dater can work for you, but it will only work up to a certain point. If you’re constantly on the lookout for a potential relationship in a sea of prospective candidates, take a step back, and consider how this can draw you further away from finding someone who’s actually worth your time.

Your gut may be telling you that your partner is being unfaithful, but you can’t be sure. Here’s what you should do to deal with those suspicions.

You don’t have any other facts, other than that nagging feeling that your partner may be doing something behind your back. It might be brought upon by a suddenly shifty gaze, secretive moves on social media or some lies that you have confirmed. Other than this, you have no concrete proof or evidence.

When your instincts tell you something, you really have to pay attention. Forget logic and forget reason, because your instincts have the power to see right through your partner’s excuses. So when your gut tells you that there may be trouble in paradise, what should you do?

How to deal with a partner who might be cheating

Instead of just pushing the thought out of your head, here’s what you should do when you feel like your partner might be unfaithful.

#1 Force yourself to accept the possibility that your partner may be cheating on you. Denial is not going to serve you in this situation, unless you are comfortable being in a relationship where you are cheated on. You really just have to let the reality soak in. Doing so is your best chance to effectively face the situation, if your hunch is indeed correct.

#2 Gather the information that you already know. Even if you have to write some of it down to remember it all, collecting all the facts that you have about the situation can help you organize all of your information. Make a list of evidence that your partner is cheating, as well as a list of proof that he or she isn’t cheating. Ensure that the facts you gather are indeed facts, and not just your suspicions! [Read: 10 deceptively simple reasons men cheat on great women]

#3 Evaluate the information very carefully once you have it written down. Once all of the information and evidence is written down, it will be a lot easier for you to go over it, and see if it actually makes sense. For example, one of your friends may have mentioned seeing your guy with another woman at the mall, but you know for a fact that this young woman is his sister based on Instagram photos, then you may just be getting all worked up for nothing. Evaluate your data further, and connect the dots to help you get a clearer picture of the situation. [Read: 18 signs that your partner may be having an emotional affair]

#4 Gather more evidence. When the initial search for evidence gives you leads, follow up on those leads a la CSI. You don’t have to do forensic tests or interrogations. But if you suspect that on a certain day last week, your partner told you one story while a social media post told you another, confirm which one is the real story by trying to gather more clues. [Read: 25 reasons why women cheat]

#5 Discuss the situation with friends whom you really trust. In scenarios like this, it really does help to have a good second opinion. The reason is because the stakes are so high. You really don’t want to accuse your partner of cheating, unless you are sure that this is what is happening.

If you do accuse him or her, and you are wrong, it could be disastrous. So, hopefully, your friends can help you process all of your evidence, and try to figure out if you are really being cheated on or not. If your suspicions are true, then at least you have your friends who know the story, and they can be there for you when worse comes to worst. [Read: 9 sure ways to know you’re dating a cheater]

#6 Contact your partner’s exes. This one may be a bit risky and borderline paranoia, but it can also be extremely helpful. So if you do intend on using this move, do so only at the risk of breaking your partner’s heart and losing their trust forever if you’re proved wrong, and your partner gets to know about it somehow.

Your partner’s ex may know important things about your partner that can help you get to the bottom of the situation. Perhaps the ex was cheated on by your partner at one point in time. If so, you may start to think that cheating is something your partner is just used to doing.

The ex may also be able to warn you about certain behavior patterns, which correlated to cheating in the past. It may be extremely awkward to talk to your partner’s ex, but they’re like a database of knowledge regarding the deep, dark relationship habits of your ex.

#7 See if you can catch your partner in the act. There are numerous ways to catch a cheating partner, ranging to the relatively safe to the ridiculously risky. However, just be careful when you do this since, in the case that your suspicions are wrong, it will definitely tell your partner that you don’t trust them. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]

#8 See if you can get information from friends. It’s unlikely that his or her friends will give you any information directly, because they probably won’t want to get involved in the situation. If they did, it could potentially cost them their friendship with your partner. However, that doesn’t mean that they won’t reveal information accidentally. You can ask them simple questions such as, “Hey, do you know where John was on Wednesday night?” You never know, they could let something slip.

#9 Finally, after you do everything else, confront your partner. If all of the other things you do lead even further to the conclusion that your partner is cheating on you, you may have no choice left but to have a confrontation.

If in case your research and snooping don’t lead to any substantial evidence that your partner is cheating, you can still confront your partner about your suspicions, in the hope that he or she will stop doing anything to make those suspicions spiral out of control.

Not everyone has the strength, the means or the time to go out of their way to check if a partner is being unfaithful. However, for those who value their relationships and their sanity while staying in said relationship, finding out if you’re being cheated on is of utmost importance.

Don’t let yourself be fooled by sweet, reassuring words or half-assed bits of proof of fidelity. You have every right to know if there’s some funny business going on in your relationship.

[Read: 8 things you should never do right after a breakup]

When the nagging cheating suspicion rears its ugly head, you better gear up and start getting to the bottom of things. What you’ll find may be painful to know, but it sure beats the pain of knowing that you’ve been completely oblivious to your partner’s scandalous activities.